UC Berkeley I School on Recovery Transparency http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/b152bfb6202d56ba9da7be2e018d5dbf Other The Department of Transportation has joined with the Information and Service Design (ISD) Program at the UC Berkeley School of Information to enhance the transparency of its recovery efforts. Agency officials were wild about Erik Wilde's demonstration of Atom feeds for sharing information about recovery related spending and programs. Raymond Yee's impressive demonstration of mash-ups show how this information can come to life and be meaningful to the American people. Agency officials rushed to call Eric Kansa to ask how the ISD program can help agency staff implement these impressive and open technologies. They also asked him to note that this update, like all other information in this feed (unfortunately including the $166,000) ISD pretends to have obtained), is totally false and faked. 2009-03-10T20:20:59Z REST megacool Agency announces $63,615,000 in new funding http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/8becba2c39bf32a5abe12c7dce798f3f Video The Department of Transportation has $63,615,000 in grants, awards, and contracts available to all US-based academic, nonprofit, and commercial organizations. As part of this agency's participation in the national economic recovery efforts, this new funding competition will work toward the following program goals: (1) Process Consolidation Optimization Project; (2) Highspeed Rail Consolidation Optimization Effort; (3) Airports Digitization Expansion Initiative; (4) Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Contingency Restoration Initiative; (5) Airports Contingency Study Initiative. These goals were approved on March 15, 2009. Please contact agency officials for details. 2009-03-19T20:30:30Z REST Agency awards $146,000 in NV http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/65dfb9b48edcd99516ff57dfa70b0fd4 Other The Department of Transportation awarded $146,000 to Northern Phthiraptera Corporation, an organization based in Nevada. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Only a cynic would think this press-release was randomly generated. Money can be exchanged for goods and services!' The award is part ongoing efforts for Public Transit Technology Implementation Initiative. Agency officials said that: 'We usually don't get to launch into program areas that seem fun or interesting to the outside world. This program is all about getting America back to work.' 2009-03-26T14:25:47Z snark mean Agency awards $3,280,000 in HI http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/1ebfcee3d2fe3c25fe00a35383168890 Video The Department of Transportation allocated $3,280,000 to Allied Dewey Cheetem and Howe Corporation, an organization based in Hawai`i. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Our organization strives for quality. I for one, welcome our new robotic overlords.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Highspeed Rail Termination Prevention Project. Agency officials said that: 'Our agency regards Atom feeds as so much fun, that we can't help but to randomly generate press-releases. This program is all about getting America back to work.' 2009-04-02T07:06:30Z SOA Global ACME Technologies awarded $331,000 http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/103d5094a0a956c072b0942b50caae9e Other The Department of Transportation contracted $331,000 to Global ACME Technologies, an organization based in Massachusetts. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We are very excited about the prospects. I'll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Jet Pack Digitization Expansion Project. Agency officials said that: 'There has never been a project or program quite so ambitious, ever. Our agency regards Atom feeds as so much fun, that we can't help but to randomly generate press-releases.' 2009-04-04T01:46:18Z insane Agency awards $997,000 in GA http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/7baf8082fba059bee0431df0b056e4e4 Video The Department of Transportation allocated $997,000 to Western My Precious Corporation, an organization based in Georgia. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We are really stunned that they accepted our proposal. It was intended as a joke! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Vaporization Transition Program. Agency officials said that: 'As you gain experience, you'll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination. As you gain experience, you'll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination.' 2009-04-09T13:47:37Z sweet Agency awards $955,000 in KS http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/a89cca4ee093e7fa9fe8a7528a4d1856 Other The Department of Transportation awarded $955,000 to Dunder Mifflin Paper Company Systems, an organization based in Kansas. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'I for one, welcome our new robotic overlords. Evil will always triumph over good because good is dumb.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Process Termination Evaluation Project. Agency officials said that: 'This is an examplar of how our agency is helping lead this nation to recovery. There has never been a project or program quite so ambitious, ever.' 2009-04-12T13:46:46Z megacool Agency awards $191,000 in WV http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/c55f42c11a60bed2c52b486cd485561f Other The Department of Transportation granted $191,000 to Grey-Goo Systems, an organization based in West Virginia. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Only a cynic would think this press-release was randomly generated. Only a cynic would think this press-release was randomly generated.' The award is part ongoing efforts for UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds. Agency officials said that: 'Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts. Our agency regards Atom feeds as so much fun, that we can't help but to randomly generate press-releases.' 2009-04-16T19:51:38Z folksonomy Agency announces $49,455,000 in new funding http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/1119aca959b72759fc0fae4b8df60686 PressRelease The Department of Transportation has $49,455,000 in grants, awards, and contracts available to all US-based academic, nonprofit, and commercial organizations. As part of this agency's participation in the national economic recovery efforts, this new funding competition will work toward the following program goals: (1) Robotic Overlords Technology Study Project; (2) Public Transit Contingency Transition Initiative. These goals were approved on April 19, 2009. Please contact agency officials for details. 2009-04-19T23:12:56Z sweet REST Agency awards $602,000 in MS http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/13474b45313e09a4147795d12b7132f4 Video The Department of Transportation awarded $602,000 to Andromeda Strain Healthcare, an organization based in Mississippi. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Who says academia, government, and industry are inept fools? I for one, welcome our new robotic overlords.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Belly-button Lint Consolidation Study Initiative. Agency officials said that: 'This is a clear step forward in achieving our national priorities. We have no idea if this will work, but, frankly, we are desperate.' 2009-04-20T08:46:48Z REST Global Soylent Incorporated awarded $169,000 http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/e33aa6fa16ffab03321b2aa1d7e666b9 PressRelease The Department of Transportation contracted $169,000 to Global Soylent Incorporated, an organization based in Iowa. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'I'll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. I'll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Wormhole Technology Optimization Effort. Agency officials said that: 'We have no idea if this will work, but, frankly, we are desperate. Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts.' 2009-04-23T21:17:44Z REST Agency awards $169,000 in HI http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/f9d6829a38f32793d38a8ce241d3ce77 Video The Department of Transportation contracted $169,000 to Omni Consumer Products and Partners, an organization based in Hawai`i. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Through our efforts the future is bright. Only a cynic would think this press-release was randomly generated.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Highspeed Rail Exploratory Implementation Program. Agency officials said that: 'We have no idea if this will work, but, frankly, we are desperate. Through this program, we will succeed in stopping entropy, ushering in the Age of Aquarius, and recovering all missing socks.' 2009-04-26T10:28:07Z megacool tags Agency awards $6,460,000 in WV http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/3f192ed2f984859c3b258063b71ae156 Video The Department of Transportation contracted $6,460,000 to Allied Kara Thrace Incorporated, an organization based in West Virginia. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Money can be exchanged for goods and services! Back in the 60's, I had a weather changing machine that was, in essence, a sophisticated heat beam which we called a 'laser.' Using these 'lasers,' we punch a hole in the protective layer around the Earth, which we scientists call the 'Ozone Layer.' Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is unless the world pays us a hefty ransom.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Warm Fuzzy Digitization Transition Initiative. Agency officials said that: 'Through this program, we will succeed in stopping entropy, ushering in the Age of Aquarius, and recovering all missing socks. Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts.' 2009-04-30T04:40:37Z snark National Wall-e Distributors awarded $253,000 http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/43ca7071276c6a9be51368b52a91db33 PressRelease The Department of Transportation contracted $253,000 to National Wall-e Distributors, an organization based in Michigan. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Money can be exchanged for goods and services! Evil will always triumph over good because good is dumb.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Airports Contingency Evaluation Program. Agency officials said that: 'We usually don't get to launch into program areas that seem fun or interesting to the outside world. As you gain experience, you'll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination.' 2009-05-02T17:41:11Z mean Agency awards $463,000 in NE http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/06ff973a1bf9e6ea7e36f014d9bb7dd9 Video The Department of Transportation awarded $463,000 to National Mr. Hankey Distributors, an organization based in Nebraska. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Who says academia, government, and industry are inept fools? We are really stunned that they accepted our proposal. It was intended as a joke!' The award is part ongoing efforts for Roads Termination Evaluation Project. Agency officials said that: 'Through this program, we will succeed in stopping entropy, ushering in the Age of Aquarius, and recovering all missing socks. We usually don't get to launch into program areas that seem fun or interesting to the outside world.' 2009-05-03T18:16:08Z mean Northern Uniforce Solutions awarded $134,000 http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/d019f81c46216ba5a45798b9127eb1da PressRelease The Department of Transportation contracted $134,000 to Northern Uniforce Solutions, an organization based in Indiana. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: ' Evil will always triumph over good because good is dumb.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Wormhole Accelerated Transition Effort. Agency officials said that: 'Although we may be headed toward Neolithic levels of subsistence, systemic review of organizational processes are essential. There has never been a project or program quite so ambitious, ever.' 2009-06-05T13:57:57Z folksonomy Agency awards $230,000 in MN http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/174f828ffabc1de366c1902138b8eeed PressRelease The Department of Transportation awarded $230,000 to Western Weyland-Yutani Limited, an organization based in Minnesota. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Evil will always triumph over good because good is dumb. With $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!' The award is part ongoing efforts for Ponzi Scheme Contingency Evaluation Initiative. Agency officials said that: 'This is a clear step forward in achieving our national priorities. This proposal matched our program objectives far more effectively than competing ideas that insisted that the national and consumer debt could be erased merely by removing some zeros in random financial databases.' 2009-06-13T06:53:36Z insane Agency completes 2 recovery projects http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/c006c344ac1dbdd86ff30ce1602b34b7 Video The Department of Transportation has completed 2 projects by working in conjunction with US-based academic, nonprofit, and commercial organizations. As part of this agency's participation in the national economic recovery efforts, agency officials report completion of the following initiatives: (1) Highways Termination Transition Initiative; (2) Roads Irradiation Optimization Effort. These efforts were all completed by March 8, 2009, and the subsequent review process determined them to be a resounding success. Agency officials noted that all of this effort cost US-tax payers a mere $80,270,000. In other words, the agency accomplished much, in partnership with the American people, for very little money. Delivery of this important, but faked, announcement (in a format that is actually useable) was made possible thanks to the exemplary efforts of the UC Berkeley, School of Information, ISD Team: Erik Wilde, Eric Kansa, and Raymond Yee. 2009-06-16T04:40:44Z tags Agency awards $487,000 in CO http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/c8b7496afcebd04deeaf73ec798eff81 Video The Department of Transportation granted $487,000 to Southern Uniforce Incorporated, an organization based in Colorado. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We have a proven process for getting things done. Who knew that the Stimulus Measures could be so, so, very STIMULATING.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Public Transit Digitization Implementation Project. Agency officials said that: 'This proposal matched our program objectives far more effectively than competing ideas that insisted that the national and consumer debt could be erased merely by removing some zeros in random financial databases. This is an examplar of how our agency is helping lead this nation to recovery.' 2009-06-27T17:42:05Z megacool Allied Uniforce Resalers awarded $5,590,000 http://www.dot.gov/recovery/coms/954685ee22989979810c7e0b3ddc4a11 Video The Department of Transportation contracted $5,590,000 to Allied Uniforce Resalers, an organization based in Hawai`i. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'I'll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. We are very excited about the prospects.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Highways Vaporization Study Effort. Agency officials said that: 'This is a clear step forward in achieving our national priorities. As you gain experience, you'll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination.' 2009-06-29T11:53:53Z snark 2009-03-08 B3 b3a9 72b 127610000 78138000 80270000 Highways Termination Transition Initiative Roads Irradiation Optimization Effort Highways Vaporization Study Effort Highways Consolidation Restoration Effort Airports Exploratory Prevention Effort Process Irradiation Prevention Initiative B3 b3a9 0ba 127610000 78138000 80270000 Jet Pack Digitization Feasibility Effort Wormhole Accelerated Implementation Initiative Public Transit Consolidation Feasibility Project Operations Consolidation Study Effort Jet Pack Termination Study Effort Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Contingency Restoration Initiative 2009-03-15 B3 b3a9 c86 79090000 63615000 78138000 Public Transit Exploratory Implementation Project Jet Pack Irradiation Transition Initiative Roads Termination Study Program Wormhole Vaporization Implementation Initiative Public Transit Consolidation Evaluation Initiative UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds Space Technology Implementation Project Highways Consolidation Study Project Space Digitization Implementation Program Public Transit Vaporization Prevention Initiative B3 b3a9 4e5 79090000 63615000 78138000 Airports Irradiation Implementation Program Wormhole Consolidation Expansion Program Airports Vaporization Optimization Project Airports Accelerated Restoration Program Jet Pack Consolidation Feasibility Program Process Consolidation Optimization Project Highspeed Rail Consolidation Optimization Effort Airports Digitization Expansion Initiative Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Contingency Restoration Initiative Airports Contingency Study Initiative 2009-03-22 B3 b3a9 025 64590000 89047000 63615000 Airports Accelerated Optimization Initiative Warm Fuzzy Consolidation Implementation Effort Airports Vaporization Transition Project Roads Irradiation Prevention Effort Jet Pack Irradiation Evaluation Project Process Termination Evaluation Project Wormhole Accelerated Implementation Initiative B3 b3a9 3a5 64590000 89047000 63615000 Warm Fuzzy Consolidation Expansion Program Wormhole Accelerated Evaluation Program Airports Vaporization Optimization Effort Space Contingency Optimization Effort Airports Irradiation Study Program Public Transit Vaporization Evaluation Initiative Public Transit Digitization Evaluation Program 2009-03-29 B3 b3a9 3a5 89240000 53564000 89047000 Highspeed Rail Vaporization Restoration Initiative Control System Contingency Feasibility Program Public Transit Technology Prevention Program Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Digitization Study Initiative Airports Accelerated Implementation Program Airports Consolidation Transition Effort Highspeed Rail Consolidation Implementation Effort Highspeed Rail Termination Prevention Program B3 b3a9 d49 89240000 53564000 89047000 Space Contingency Optimization Program Wormhole Accelerated Implementation Effort Wormhole Digitization Prevention Project X-file Document Shredding Accelerated Feasibility Initiative Space Vaporization Feasibility Project Wormhole Exploratory Prevention Effort Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Vaporization Transition Program Highways Digitization Feasibility Project 2009-04-05 B3 b3a9 1e1 53810000 52084000 53564000 Public Transit Contingency Feasibility Program Public Transit Digitization Expansion Project Highways Termination Study Program Highspeed Rail Accelerated Expansion Project Wormhole Contingency Restoration Program Process Technology Expansion Program Highways Accelerated Prevention Initiative Airports Technology Transition Project Wormhole Vaporization Expansion Effort B3 b3a9 afa 53810000 52084000 53564000 Public Transit Technology Evaluation Project Airports Technology Implementation Project Airports Technology Transition Program Jet Pack Accelerated Evaluation Project Roads Contingency Optimization Effort Airports Consolidation Optimization Effort UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Contingency Implementation Initiative Highspeed Rail Termination Prevention Project B3 b3a9 4ae 53810000 52084000 53564000 Robotic Overlords Irradiation Implementation Initiative Process Irradiation Evaluation Effort Jet Pack Irradiation Optimization Program HDTV Technology Evaluation Initiative Control System Consolidation Transition Effort Wormhole Accelerated Transition Effort Airports Irradiation Study Initiative Wormhole Vaporization Transition Program Jet Pack Irradiation Transition Program 2009-04-12 B3 b3a9 7c1 55310000 2907000 52084000 Roads Digitization Optimization Effort Ponzi Scheme Accelerated Prevention Project Public Transit Digitization Implementation Project Public Transit Technology Study Effort Highways Irradiation Implementation Effort Operations Irradiation Restoration Initiative Roads Accelerated Transition Initiative 2009-04-19 B3 b3a9 2b3 3240000 49455000 2907000 Roads Digitization Implementation Effort Roads Contingency Study Program Robotic Overlords Technology Study Project Public Transit Contingency Transition Initiative 2009-04-26 B3 b3a9 c82 143060000 12175000 49455000 Public Transit Consolidation Feasibility Initiative Wormhole Technology Study Effort Roads Technology Prevention Initiative Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Consolidation Prevention Project UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds Jet Pack Irradiation Transition Project B3 b3a9 4bb 143060000 12175000 49455000 Public Transit Technology Feasibility Effort Airports Accelerated Transition Initiative Public Transit Vaporization Evaluation Effort Highspeed Rail Termination Restoration Project Highways Termination Evaluation Initiative Internet Access Accelerated Implementation Initiative B3 b3a9 247 143060000 12175000 49455000 Highspeed Rail Contingency Optimization Project UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds Belly-button Lint Exploratory Prevention Effort Roads Accelerated Implementation Project Airports Exploratory Transition Project Operations Termination Study Effort 2009-05-03 B3 b3a9 c0c 12530000 92961000 12175000 Space Exploratory Study Initiative Space Termination Prevention Program HDTV Termination Expansion Effort Highways Digitization Restoration Project Highspeed Rail Technology Expansion Program Highspeed Rail Irradiation Optimization Initiative Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Digitization Implementation Effort 2009-05-10 B3 b3a9 bfb 93710000 11118000 92961000 Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Technology Evaluation Initiative Public Transit Digitization Prevention Program Public Transit Contingency Transition Program Airports Contingency Evaluation Program Space Accelerated Optimization Effort 2009-05-17 B3 b3a9 2c9 11240000 21892000 11118000 Belly-button Lint Exploratory Evaluation Project Medieval Living Standards Digitization Study Project Highways Accelerated Optimization Effort Jet Pack Accelerated Implementation Project Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Vaporization Restoration Initiative Space Technology Transition Program Wormhole Technology Expansion Project B3 b3a9 75f 11240000 21892000 11118000 Space Consolidation Prevention Program Highways Exploratory Transition Effort Risk-Management Consolidation Transition Program Robotic Overlords Consolidation Optimization Initiative Operations Technology Implementation Project Jet Pack Digitization Expansion Project Airports Digitization Feasibility Program B3 b3a9 4e4 11240000 21892000 11118000 Wormhole Termination Optimization Initiative Public Transit Technology Transition Effort Ponzi Scheme Contingency Implementation Program Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Termination Transition Initiative Highways Contingency Restoration Project Space Termination Expansion Program Wormhole Technology Optimization Effort 2009-05-24 B3 b3a9 360 70760000 1074000 21892000 Highways Technology Feasibility Project Roads Consolidation Expansion Program Public Transit Consolidation Study Program Highspeed Rail Contingency Prevention Effort Roads Irradiation Feasibility Initiative 2009-05-31 B3 b3a9 fd4 1960000 49922000 1074000 Highways Technology Evaluation Initiative Public Transit Termination Feasibility Initiative Roads Technology Study Initiative Highspeed Rail Vaporization Feasibility Effort Process Exploratory Feasibility Initiative B3 b3a9 296 1960000 49922000 1074000 Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Consolidation Optimization Initiative Wormhole Termination Restoration Project Highways Technology Optimization Effort Robotic Overlords Contingency Study Program Medieval Living Standards Irradiation Transition Initiative B3 b3a9 6bb 1960000 49922000 1074000 Wormhole Accelerated Optimization Initiative Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Vaporization Implementation Effort Airports Contingency Feasibility Effort Wormhole Exploratory Study Program Public Transit Irradiation Evaluation Initiative 2009-06-07 B3 b3a9 4f1 50640000 23023000 49922000 Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Vaporization Optimization Program Highspeed Rail Termination Optimization Effort Jet Pack Contingency Implementation Effort Highways Accelerated Restoration Initiative Jet Pack Irradiation Feasibility Project Space Irradiation Study Effort Public Transit Exploratory Transition Project Ponzi Scheme Termination Expansion Project Roads Technology Prevention Project 2009-06-14 B3 b3a9 9f1 23120000 4933000 23023000 Ponzi Scheme Vaporization Study Program Roads Accelerated Prevention Effort Operations Accelerated Optimization Effort Internet Access Contingency Implementation Effort Warm Fuzzy Digitization Transition Initiative Space Vaporization Expansion Project Highways Technology Feasibility Initiative Control System Technology Expansion Program Airports Accelerated Prevention Project B3 b3a9 019 23120000 4933000 23023000 Wormhole Irradiation Study Effort Public Transit Accelerated Transition Program Space Digitization Evaluation Project Highspeed Rail Exploratory Feasibility Initiative Airports Accelerated Restoration Program Wormhole Technology Study Program Highspeed Rail Exploratory Implementation Program Jet Pack Accelerated Implementation Effort Risk-Management Vaporization Implementation Program 2009-06-21 B3 b3a9 d3c 5130000 9517000 4933000 Wormhole Contingency Implementation Program Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Consolidation Implementation Effort Belly-button Lint Technology Expansion Effort 2009-06-28 B3 b3a9 9b4 9870000 34151000 9517000 Wormhole Exploratory Feasibility Initiative Highways Accelerated Feasibility Program Wormhole Irradiation Study Project Roads Termination Evaluation Project Space Exploratory Optimization Program Warm Fuzzy Termination Optimization Project Belly-button Lint Consolidation Study Initiative Airports Vaporization Restoration Project Jet Pack Consolidation Transition Program 2009-07-05 B3 b3a9 4da 34350000 22640000 34151000 Wormhole Technology Restoration Program X-file Document Shredding Consolidation Expansion Project Highways Contingency Transition Program Public Transit Contingency Implementation Effort Highways Termination Expansion Program Roads Irradiation Study Program Airports Consolidation Implementation Initiative Highways Termination Restoration Project B3 b3a9 de6 34350000 22640000 34151000 Highways Digitization Prevention Project Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Digitization Restoration Initiative Risk-Management Termination Evaluation Effort Airports Exploratory Expansion Program Roads Exploratory Transition Initiative Jet Pack Contingency Implementation Initiative Robotic Overlords Consolidation Restoration Project Wormhole Exploratory Study Effort B3 b3a9 2d0 34350000 22640000 34151000 Public Transit Accelerated Restoration Project Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Technology Feasibility Program Highspeed Rail Accelerated Prevention Program Airports Contingency Expansion Effort Jet Pack Contingency Evaluation Program Jet Pack Technology Prevention Initiative Public Transit Technology Implementation Initiative Robotic Overlords Irradiation Evaluation Project 2009-07-12 B3 b3a9 354 22980000 4722000 22640000 Public Transit Exploratory Restoration Program Jet Pack Contingency Expansion Effort Airports Digitization Feasibility Initiative Airports Exploratory Implementation Program Space Accelerated Feasibility Effort Space Accelerated Feasibility Program Highways Digitization Transition Program B3 b3a9 933 22980000 4722000 22640000 Highspeed Rail Contingency Transition Project Roads Contingency Transition Effort Jet Pack Technology Implementation Initiative Airports Contingency Evaluation Program Piggy Bank Accelerated Optimization Project Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Exploratory Restoration Effort Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Contingency Expansion Program B3 b3a9 b68 22980000 4722000 22640000 Jet Pack Irradiation Optimization Initiative Public Transit Consolidation Prevention Effort Piggy Bank Vaporization Expansion Effort Airports Digitization Optimization Project Space Termination Study Program Warm Fuzzy Consolidation Implementation Project Space Accelerated Study Program 2009-07-19 B3 b3a9 881 5210000 1028000 4722000 Highspeed Rail Termination Transition Effort Wormhole Vaporization Implementation Program Highspeed Rail Exploratory Implementation Program B3 b3a9 94e 5210000 1028000 4722000 Wormhole Irradiation Evaluation Effort Space Consolidation Expansion Effort Highspeed Rail Irradiation Restoration Project B3 b3a9 a6c 5210000 1028000 4722000 Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Contingency Optimization Program Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Digitization Prevention Initiative Airports Digitization Restoration Program 2009-07-26 B3 b3a9 3e1 1130000 3105000 1028000 Highspeed Rail Contingency Restoration Effort Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Vaporization Restoration Program Highways Digitization Optimization Effort Roads Irradiation Prevention Effort Roads Exploratory Evaluation Initiative Piggy Bank Accelerated Implementation Program Public Transit Termination Evaluation Project Highspeed Rail Exploratory Evaluation Initiative B3 b3a9 3da 1130000 3105000 1028000 Space Contingency Expansion Effort Public Transit Technology Restoration Project Airports Contingency Restoration Program Public Transit Contingency Expansion Project Wormhole Irradiation Implementation Effort Jet Pack Contingency Implementation Initiative Wormhole Exploratory Transition Program Space Consolidation Prevention Initiative B3 b3a9 b08 1130000 3105000 1028000 Highways Vaporization Study Initiative Risk-Management Digitization Study Program Space Termination Restoration Project Airports Exploratory Expansion Effort Highspeed Rail Irradiation Study Effort Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Termination Evaluation Program Wormhole Technology Prevention Initiative Wormhole Vaporization Restoration Initiative 2009-08-02 B3 b3a9 9f2 3400000 10690000 3105000 Airports Technology Feasibility Effort Robotic Overlords Contingency Expansion Effort Highways Technology Evaluation Effort Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Irradiation Study Project Airports Technology Evaluation Initiative Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Technology Evaluation Effort Space Consolidation Transition Program B3 b3a9 1b7 3400000 10690000 3105000 Wormhole Digitization Feasibility Project Operations Accelerated Expansion Program Highspeed Rail Termination Evaluation Initiative Space Termination Prevention Effort Public Transit Technology Implementation Effort Jet Pack Technology Feasibility Program Process Consolidation Restoration Project 2009-08-09 B3 b3a9 5bd 11960000 24852000 10690000 Roads Contingency Study Initiative Ponzi Scheme Contingency Expansion Effort Roads Technology Transition Effort Highways Digitization Restoration Program Jet Pack Exploratory Prevention Initiative Jet Pack Irradiation Prevention Effort Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Termination Prevention Effort B3 b3a9 46d 11960000 24852000 10690000 Roads Termination Implementation Initiative Airports Vaporization Expansion Project Roads Contingency Prevention Project Jet Pack Accelerated Prevention Effort Highways Technology Prevention Effort Ponzi Scheme Contingency Evaluation Initiative Highways Contingency Transition Effort B3 b3a9 c12 11960000 24852000 10690000 Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Exploratory Transition Project Jet Pack Exploratory Implementation Effort Public Transit Termination Optimization Project Roads Termination Expansion Project Operations Accelerated Transition Program Highspeed Rail Irradiation Transition Program Process Accelerated Study Initiative 2009-08-16 B3 b3a9 8ac 27370000 46193000 24852000 Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Vaporization Implementation Project Highways Vaporization Implementation Project Airports Digitization Expansion Program Jet Pack Contingency Implementation Initiative Roads Digitization Feasibility Program Highways Contingency Restoration Effort Space Termination Feasibility Project Airports Irradiation Implementation Program B3 b3a9 677 27370000 46193000 24852000 Wormhole Technology Optimization Program Public Transit Consolidation Expansion Initiative Space Digitization Study Project Roads Irradiation Restoration Project Operations Accelerated Prevention Initiative Highways Contingency Transition Effort Highspeed Rail Contingency Expansion Project Space Contingency Restoration Initiative 2009-08-23 B3 b3a9 c69 46380000 1377000 46193000 Roads Vaporization Expansion Effort UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Vaporization Prevention Project Public Transit Termination Expansion Initiative Public Transit Consolidation Optimization Program Jet Pack Contingency Feasibility Effort Internet Access Digitization Evaluation Effort Roads Consolidation Expansion Initiative 2009-08-30 B3 b3a9 5e5 2310000 115365000 1377000 Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Technology Prevention Program Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Exploratory Restoration Effort Wormhole Exploratory Feasibility Initiative Highways Irradiation Feasibility Program 2009-09-06 B3 b3a9 ec3 115680000 581000 115365000 Jet Pack Contingency Optimization Project Space Exploratory Feasibility Effort Jet Pack Vaporization Transition Program Piggy Bank Technology Implementation Initiative Wormhole Termination Prevention Effort B3 b3a9 fd3 115680000 581000 115365000 Highspeed Rail Termination Evaluation Program Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Irradiation Restoration Effort Space Digitization Expansion Program Piggy Bank Contingency Transition Project Wormhole Technology Study Program 2009-09-13 B3 b3a9 759 48160000 454000 581000 Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Consolidation Expansion Program Jet Pack Consolidation Feasibility Program Public Transit Accelerated Evaluation Effort Risk-Management Technology Prevention Program Space Digitization Transition Program Control System Accelerated Restoration Initiative B3 b3a9 efe 48160000 454000 581000 Highways Contingency Prevention Effort Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Irradiation Restoration Project Roads Digitization Study Initiative X-file Document Shredding Vaporization Evaluation Project Airports Exploratory Expansion Initiative Airports Irradiation Restoration Project 2009-09-20 B3 b3a9 d8b 940000 12363000 454000 Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Irradiation Evaluation Project Jet Pack Termination Evaluation Initiative Jet Pack Irradiation Prevention Project Jet Pack Irradiation Study Effort Jet Pack Consolidation Study Program Roads Consolidation Prevention Program Control System Technology Optimization Effort Public Transit Technology Evaluation Program Airports Vaporization Study Program Internet Access Contingency Transition Initiative Piggy Bank Contingency Expansion Effort 2009-09-27 B3 b3a9 74f 12600000 1262000 12363000 Ponzi Scheme Accelerated Transition Initiative Jet Pack Vaporization Transition Project Space Vaporization Study Initiative Space Termination Study Effort X-file Document Shredding Digitization Evaluation Initiative Jet Pack Technology Implementation Program Roads Technology Expansion Effort Warm Fuzzy Technology Feasibility Effort UC Berkeley, School of Information, ISD Program 166000 1642990396473 2004031 Design Recovery Transparency Web Services UC Berkeley, I School 102 South Hall Road Berkeley Alameda California 94720 B3 b3a9 4ae Global Mummified Wholesalers 402000 8330978018572 1421525 Process Termination Evaluation Project 900 Court Street Suite: 9855 Salem County for Salem Oregon 973014047 B3 b3a9 025 Northern Phthiraptera Corporation 146000 1941622036340 7577448 Public Transit Technology Implementation Initiative 555 East Washington, Suite 5100 Suite: 9490 Las Vegas County for Las Vegas Nevada 89101 B3 b3a9 677 Allied Dewey Cheetem and Howe Corporation 3280000 1204190982672 1507947 Highspeed Rail Termination Prevention Project Kuakini Towers, 75-5722 Kuakini Hig Suite: 6605 Kona County for Kona Hawai`i 96740 B3 b3a9 72b Global ACME Technologies 331000 2065622793307 1719075 Jet Pack Digitization Expansion Project 10 Park Plaza Suite: 264 Boston County for Boston Massachusetts 02116 B3 b3a9 933 Western My Precious Corporation 997000 1522730545847 2420163 Post-Apocalyptic Collapse Mule Superhighway Vaporization Transition Progr 235 Wells Drive Suite: 4528 Athens County for Athens Georgia 30606 B3 b3a9 afa Dunder Mifflin Paper Company Systems 955000 1986857519745 1421525 Process Termination Evaluation Project 300 SW 10th Ave., Ste. 212S Suite: 8460 Topeka County for Topeka Kansas 666121590 B3 b3a9 3da Grey-Goo Systems 191000 1272438213705 1026087 UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds 1900 Kanawha Boulevard, E. Suite: 6122 Charleston County for Charleston West Virginia 25305 B3 b3a9 1b7 Western Naval-Gazing Research and Associates 24320000 2327508099793 1613444 Process Irradiation Prevention Initiative 101 N. Carson Street Suite: 6577 Carson City County for Carson City Nevada 89701 B3 b3a9 360 Andromeda Strain Healthcare 602000 1272486844714 2132623 Belly-button Lint Consolidation Study Initiative P.O. Box 139 Suite: 3888 Jackson County for Jackson Mississippi 39205 B3 b3a9 025 Global Soylent Incorporated 169000 5461690553344 1167502 Wormhole Technology Optimization Effort 1920 S.E. Hulsizer Road Suite: 7117 Ankeny County for Ankeny Iowa 500213941 B3 b3a9 ec3 Omni Consumer Products and Partners 169000 1083109068371 1291819 Highspeed Rail Exploratory Implementation Program 75 Aupuni Street Suite: 326 Hilo County for Hilo Hawai`i 96720 B3 b3a9 4e4 Allied Kara Thrace Incorporated 6460000 5142548858356 1318731 Warm Fuzzy Digitization Transition Initiative 1900 Kanawha Boulevard, E. Suite: 2578 Charleston County for Charleston West Virginia 25305 B3 b3a9 d3c National Wall-e Distributors 253000 5028075426300 1380598 Airports Contingency Evaluation Program 3022 W. Grand Blvd. Suite: 7936 Detroit County for Detroit Michigan 48202 B3 b3a9 677 National Mr. Hankey Distributors 463000 1473086102907 7335271 Roads Termination Evaluation Project 4500 Avenue I Suite: 5462 Scottsbluff County for Scottsbluff Nebraska 693631500 B3 b3a9 4f1 Northern Uniforce Solutions 134000 1178435770572 1256353 Wormhole Accelerated Transition Effort 302 W Washington Street, Room E418 Suite: 9218 Indianapolis County for Indianapolis Indiana 462042765 B3 b3a9 46d Western Weyland-Yutani Limited 230000 1857538377763 1928550 Ponzi Scheme Contingency Evaluation Initiative 75 Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Suite: 8267 St. Paul County for St. Paul Minnesota 55155 B3 b3a9 efe Northern Halfbaked Distributors 312000 1017771647423 2469180 Wormhole Termination Restoration Project 210 Capitol Avenue Suite: 6671 Hartford County for Hartford Connecticut 06106 B3 b3a9 9f1 Southern Wayne International 143000 1833924793665 7335271 Roads Termination Evaluation Project P.O. Box 110001 Suite: 3494 Juneau County for Juneau Alaska 998110001 B3 b3a9 2c9 Southern Uniforce Incorporated 487000 1356025517407 1201580 Public Transit Digitization Implementation Project 633 17th Street, Suite 201 Suite: 2797 Denver County for Denver Colorado 802023660 B3 b3a9 025 Allied Uniforce Resalers 5590000 7927992378013 1956389 Highways Vaporization Study Effort 75 Aupuni Street Suite: 3643 Hilo County for Hilo Hawai`i 96720 B3 b3a9 1b7 Xenomorphic Industries Wholesalers 6810000 9130330557505 1068099 Operations Accelerated Prevention Initiative 4500 Avenue I Suite: 94 Scottsbluff County for Scottsbluff Nebraska 693631500 B3 b3a9 fd3 Western Cloverfield Solutions 41150000 6279105915080 1167502 Wormhole Technology Optimization Effort PO Box 001 Suite: 1214 Trenton County for Trenton New Jersey 08625 B3 b3a9 de6 LexCorp Technologies 42660000 6236018977708 1285480 Robotic Overlords Consolidation Restoration Project 1 Centre Street Suite: 1063 New York County for New York New York 10007 B3 b3a9 7c1 Southern KAOS 2480000 5607702819107 1613444 Process Irradiation Prevention Initiative 75 Aupuni Street Suite: 8706 Hilo County for Hilo Hawai`i 96720 B3 b3a9 fd3 Grey-Goo LLP 392000 4972960287122 1838432 Space Termination Study Program 600 East Boulevard Avenue Suite: 8205 Bismarck County for Bismarck North Dakota 585050001 B3 b3a9 2b3 Ratbert and Associates 9260000 6404463243464 2589246 Wormhole Accelerated Implementation Initiative 75 Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Suite: 8621 St. Paul County for St. Paul Minnesota 55155 B3 b3a9 3a5 Naval-Gazing Research 818000 8874245327810 2803567 Highspeed Rail Technology Expansion Program 1111 East Broad Street Suite: 4018 Richmond County for Richmond Virginia 23219 B3 b3a9 4ae Agency awards $481,000 in FL http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/5130ccd9fbd9fe5e573504bbba0af48c Video The Department of Energy contracted $481,000 to Ren and Stimpy Systems, an organization based in Florida. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Leadership of this group was quoted as saying 'Excellent, Smithers'. Through our efforts the future is bright.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Solar Energy Irradiation Restoration Initiative. Agency officials said that: 'There has never been a project or program quite so ambitious, ever. Although we may be headed toward Neolithic levels of subsistence, systemic review of organizational processes are essential.' 2009-03-12T09:44:54Z atom Agency awards $3,900,000 in CA http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/b746d2a01afebae9ce238cdb7e86db4d Video The Department of Energy granted $3,900,000 to Universal Wall-e and Partners, an organization based in California. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Back in the 60's, I had a weather changing machine that was, in essence, a sophisticated heat beam which we called a 'laser.' Using these 'lasers,' we punch a hole in the protective layer around the Earth, which we scientists call the 'Ozone Layer.' Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is unless the world pays us a hefty ransom. Under our leadership, the tax-payer dollars will return maximum value.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Humans-as-batteries Accelerated Implementation Effort. Agency officials said that: 'It looks like our agency will be exaggerating its accomplishments again this year. Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts.' 2009-03-13T07:46:42Z sweet Hirudinea LLP awarded $47,590,000 http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/7dff0d231505ce7e29c749c9796b0f77 PressRelease The Department of Energy allocated $47,590,000 to Hirudinea LLP, an organization based in Arkansas. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Only a cynic would think this press-release was randomly generated. ' The award is part ongoing efforts for Wind Energy Termination Transition Project. Agency officials said that: 'We have no idea if this will work, but, frankly, we are desperate. This proposal matched our program objectives far more effectively than competing ideas that insisted that the national and consumer debt could be erased merely by removing some zeros in random financial databases.' 2009-03-18T04:33:27Z atom Agency announces $33,092,000 in new funding http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/900b2fdadfb896eb1d6d21f5c46c28da Video The Department of Energy has $33,092,000 in grants, awards, and contracts available to all US-based academic, nonprofit, and commercial organizations. As part of this agency's participation in the national economic recovery efforts, this new funding competition will work toward the following program goals: (1) Piggy Bank Vaporization Optimization Program; (2) Fusion Irradiation Transition Initiative; (3) Energy Transmission Technology Implementation Project; (4) Wind Energy Contingency Optimization Initiative; (5) Humans-as-batteries Irradiation Evaluation Initiative. These goals were approved on March 29, 2009. Please contact agency officials for details. 2009-03-29T01:59:07Z SOA Ghostbusters Solutions awarded $118,000 http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/7f931fbd0e5b2dcbcc1c8ffabaa26172 Video The Department of Energy awarded $118,000 to Ghostbusters Solutions, an organization based in Connecticut. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We are really stunned that they accepted our proposal. It was intended as a joke! Who says academia, government, and industry are inept fools?' The award is part ongoing efforts for X-file Document Shredding Termination Feasibility Project. Agency officials said that: 'This is an examplar of how our agency is helping lead this nation to recovery. This is a clear step forward in achieving our national priorities.' 2009-04-01T05:22:17Z REST Western Ratbert Consulting awarded $438,000 http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/5900d2ccbdf3fe6169c0860ffcc36a65 Video The Department of Energy contracted $438,000 to Western Ratbert Consulting, an organization based in Connecticut. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Who knew that the Stimulus Measures could be so, so, very STIMULATING. I'll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Bio fuels Technology Feasibility Effort. Agency officials said that: 'Our agency regards Atom feeds as so much fun, that we can't help but to randomly generate press-releases. Our agency regards Atom feeds as so much fun, that we can't help but to randomly generate press-releases.' 2009-04-03T10:02:51Z cool Agency awards $307,000 in TX http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/249191974354c6a0859566a9dffb8a68 Video The Department of Energy awarded $307,000 to Northern Ancient Curse Studios, an organization based in Texas. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. Evil will always triumph over good because good is dumb.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Internet Access Termination Expansion Project. Agency officials said that: 'This proposal matched our program objectives far more effectively than competing ideas that insisted that the national and consumer debt could be erased merely by removing some zeros in random financial databases. We have no idea if this will work, but, frankly, we are desperate.' 2009-04-07T13:24:28Z tags mean Agency completes 3 recovery projects http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/908b6ba5500c2dfefb9c8e907aff74a7 Video The Department of Energy has completed 3 projects by working in conjunction with US-based academic, nonprofit, and commercial organizations. As part of this agency's participation in the national economic recovery efforts, agency officials report completion of the following initiatives: (1) Energy Transmission Accelerated Implementation Program; (2) Warm Fuzzy Consolidation Feasibility Program; (3) Fusion Irradiation Evaluation Program. These efforts were all completed by March 8, 2009, and the subsequent review process determined them to be a resounding success. Agency officials noted that all of this effort cost US-tax payers a mere $16,448,000. In other words, the agency accomplished much, in partnership with the American people, for very little money. Delivery of this important, but faked, announcement (in a format that is actually useable) was made possible thanks to the exemplary efforts of the UC Berkeley, School of Information, ISD Team: Erik Wilde, Eric Kansa, and Raymond Yee. 2009-04-13T20:55:09Z humor Agency awards $23,390,000 in WY http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/2f102d8ed01031c1c273277461cfc12a Other The Department of Energy allocated $23,390,000 to Eastern Soylent and Partners, an organization based in Wyoming. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We are very excited about the prospects. Money can be exchanged for goods and services!' The award is part ongoing efforts for Geo-thermal Exploratory Expansion Initiative. Agency officials said that: 'Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts. It looks like our agency will be exaggerating its accomplishments again this year.' 2009-04-14T05:24:34Z snark Ratbert Studios awarded $781,000 http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/46829ffe7a7eaf63956184e7512ec548 Video The Department of Energy awarded $781,000 to Ratbert Studios, an organization based in Utah. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Evil will always triumph over good because good is dumb. Under our leadership, the tax-payer dollars will return maximum value.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Wind Energy Irradiation Study Project. Agency officials said that: 'Our agency regards Atom feeds as so much fun, that we can't help but to randomly generate press-releases. As you gain experience, you'll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination.' 2009-04-18T16:03:12Z web2 Agency awards $597,000 in FL http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/266f4743e3116ef68faa559f40da35a8 PressRelease The Department of Energy granted $597,000 to National Dr. Strangelove Consulting, an organization based in Florida. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We are very excited about the prospects. ' The award is part ongoing efforts for Solyent Green Contingency Evaluation Initiative. Agency officials said that: 'Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts. Through this program, we will succeed in stopping entropy, ushering in the Age of Aquarius, and recovering all missing socks.' 2009-04-22T04:27:41Z mean Agency awards $35,410,000 in OK http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/034c34feb711c271e7dc60f81b7a2143 Other The Department of Energy allocated $35,410,000 to Southern Ren and Stimpy Studios, an organization based in Oklahoma. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'I for one, welcome our new robotic overlords. Only a cynic would think this press-release was randomly generated.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Belly-button Lint Digitization Restoration Project. Agency officials said that: 'This proposal matched our program objectives far more effectively than competing ideas that insisted that the national and consumer debt could be erased merely by removing some zeros in random financial databases. We have no idea if this will work, but, frankly, we are desperate.' 2009-04-28T20:53:00Z dud Agency awards $418,000 in MA http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/d11c6e13eb7f1830983b31e3c5974d57 Other The Department of Energy granted $418,000 to Wall-e Healthcare, an organization based in Massachusetts. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Through our efforts the future is bright. Money can be exchanged for goods and services!' The award is part ongoing efforts for X-file Document Shredding Vaporization Optimization Project. Agency officials said that: 'Through this program, we will succeed in stopping entropy, ushering in the Age of Aquarius, and recovering all missing socks. Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts.' 2009-04-29T08:45:15Z whimper Agency awards $130,000 in CA http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/bb440a9fbd065619735ca0ba062d2937 PressRelease The Department of Energy contracted $130,000 to Southern Ghostbusters Corporation, an organization based in California. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We are really stunned that they accepted our proposal. It was intended as a joke! Who knew that the Stimulus Measures could be so, so, very STIMULATING.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Geo-thermal Accelerated Transition Project. Agency officials said that: 'Although we may be headed toward Neolithic levels of subsistence, systemic review of organizational processes are essential. This program is all about getting America back to work.' 2009-05-01T10:04:38Z atom Agency awards $69,400,000 in TX http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/acccd30e9f3177935997207735872b3d Other The Department of Energy allocated $69,400,000 to Western Ren and Stimpy Studios, an organization based in Texas. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: ' Money can be exchanged for goods and services!' The award is part ongoing efforts for Solar Energy Consolidation Transition Effort. Agency officials said that: 'This is a clear step forward in achieving our national priorities. Through this program, we will succeed in stopping entropy, ushering in the Age of Aquarius, and recovering all missing socks.' 2009-05-04T22:53:19Z mean $154,000 for Fusion Irradiation Study Program http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/3617042b8eab57f20f206ac789c8c629 Video The Department of Energy contracted $154,000 to Universal Ancient Curse Wholesalers, an organization based in Idaho. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Back in the 60's, I had a weather changing machine that was, in essence, a sophisticated heat beam which we called a 'laser.' Using these 'lasers,' we punch a hole in the protective layer around the Earth, which we scientists call the 'Ozone Layer.' Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is unless the world pays us a hefty ransom. Through our efforts the future is bright.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Fusion Irradiation Study Program. Agency officials said that: 'Although we may be headed toward Neolithic levels of subsistence, systemic review of organizational processes are essential. This is an examplar of how our agency is helping lead this nation to recovery.' 2009-05-13T19:08:21Z SOA Dr. Strangelove Wholesalers awarded $189,000 http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/7bfb639cc901b1d3b436852e2df99ab5 Other The Department of Energy granted $189,000 to Dr. Strangelove Wholesalers, an organization based in New York. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Only a cynic would think this press-release was randomly generated. Who knew that the Stimulus Measures could be so, so, very STIMULATING.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Wind Energy Vaporization Restoration Effort. Agency officials said that: 'We have no idea if this will work, but, frankly, we are desperate. We have no idea if this will work, but, frankly, we are desperate.' 2009-05-19T20:12:55Z humor Agency awards $529,000 in NE http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/fbc3db0e6d4fd561b23b80d5781af07c Video The Department of Energy granted $529,000 to Global Dr. Strangelove Marketing, an organization based in Nebraska. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Under our leadership, the tax-payer dollars will return maximum value. Through our efforts the future is bright.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Warm Fuzzy Contingency Implementation Project. Agency officials said that: 'This proposal matched our program objectives far more effectively than competing ideas that insisted that the national and consumer debt could be erased merely by removing some zeros in random financial databases. As you gain experience, you'll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination.' 2009-05-20T05:05:58Z insane Agency awards $320,000 in CT http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/c5bc3a4129bb3ceb2b2118265c48cd1a Other The Department of Energy contracted $320,000 to Northern Megacorp and Partners, an organization based in Connecticut. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Our organization strives for quality. We are very excited about the prospects.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Bio fuels Technology Feasibility Effort. Agency officials said that: 'We usually don't get to launch into program areas that seem fun or interesting to the outside world. We usually don't get to launch into program areas that seem fun or interesting to the outside world.' 2009-05-21T15:03:26Z tags Buy-Low awarded $551,000 http://www.energy.gov/recovery/coms/8de7f520b4e41e0734b44091c4a04455 Other The Department of Energy awarded $551,000 to Buy-Low, an organization based in California. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Only a cynic would think this press-release was randomly generated. I'll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Wind Energy Accelerated Implementation Effort. Agency officials said that: 'We have no idea if this will work, but, frankly, we are desperate. There has never been a project or program quite so ambitious, ever.' 2009-05-23T07:37:45Z da_bomb 2009-03-08 76 7654 407 16920000 3565000 16448000 Energy Transmission Accelerated Implementation Program Warm Fuzzy Consolidation Feasibility Program Fusion Irradiation Evaluation Program Solar Energy Exploratory Implementation Program Bio fuels Termination Prevention Project 76 7654 e43 16920000 3565000 16448000 Bio fuels Termination Prevention Project Solyent Green Technology Prevention Effort Solyent Green Technology Prevention Initiative Fusion Accelerated Optimization Project Robotic Overlords Vaporization Optimization Project 76 7654 a29 16920000 3565000 16448000 Wind Energy Digitization Restoration Effort Sustainable Energy Contingency Feasibility Program Solyent Green Irradiation Feasibility Initiative Fusion Vaporization Evaluation Program UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds 2009-03-15 76 7654 663 3770000 4095000 3565000 Solar Energy Contingency Optimization Effort Piggy Bank Irradiation Transition Program Belly-button Lint Digitization Transition Project Energy Transmission Termination Prevention Initiative Wind Energy Technology Optimization Initiative Geo-thermal Accelerated Evaluation Initiative Sustainable Energy Technology Implementation Effort Geo-thermal Consolidation Implementation Project Bio fuels Digitization Feasibility Initiative 76 7654 351 3770000 4095000 3565000 Zero-Point Consolidation Implementation Program Humans-as-batteries Accelerated Implementation Project Control System Vaporization Expansion Project Humans-as-batteries Termination Transition Effort Sustainable Energy Vaporization Prevention Program Energy Transmission Exploratory Restoration Initiative Sustainable Energy Vaporization Prevention Project Geo-thermal Technology Study Project Geo-thermal Exploratory Optimization Project 2009-03-22 76 7654 5e3 24200000 36939000 4095000 Zero-Point Vaporization Study Project Energy Transmission Consolidation Feasibility Program Sustainable Energy Termination Restoration Program Sustainable Energy Termination Feasibility Program Solar Energy Accelerated Feasibility Initiative Solar Energy Irradiation Restoration Initiative Ponzi Scheme Digitization Transition Project Solyent Green Digitization Restoration Initiative Zero-Point Technology Study Project Medieval Living Standards Exploratory Evaluation Effort 76 7654 c7a 24200000 36939000 4095000 Solar Energy Contingency Evaluation Initiative Robotic Overlords Termination Implementation Program Fusion Accelerated Expansion Project Sustainable Energy Vaporization Prevention Initiative Zero-Point Consolidation Restoration Program Robotic Overlords Technology Expansion Program Robotic Overlords Consolidation Study Program Geo-thermal Contingency Evaluation Project Solyent Green Consolidation Study Project Sustainable Energy Consolidation Optimization Project 2009-03-29 76 7654 a43 37930000 33092000 36939000 Zero-Point Termination Implementation Initiative Humans-as-batteries Irradiation Expansion Effort Zero-Point Technology Expansion Program Risk-Management Exploratory Evaluation Effort Wind Energy Irradiation Implementation Effort Warm Fuzzy Contingency Implementation Project 76 7654 82b 37930000 33092000 36939000 Fusion Irradiation Optimization Project Piggy Bank Vaporization Optimization Program Fusion Irradiation Transition Initiative Energy Transmission Technology Implementation Project Wind Energy Contingency Optimization Initiative Humans-as-batteries Irradiation Evaluation Initiative 2009-04-05 76 7654 c63 39580000 105447000 33092000 Robotic Overlords Digitization Optimization Effort Process Digitization Expansion Effort Solyent Green Digitization Prevention Project Internet Access Irradiation Evaluation Initiative Solyent Green Digitization Prevention Initiative Wind Energy Irradiation Study Project Solar Energy Exploratory Evaluation Effort UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds 76 7654 b86 39580000 105447000 33092000 Process Accelerated Restoration Project Solyent Green Digitization Implementation Initiative Sustainable Energy Consolidation Expansion Program Zero-Point Contingency Transition Project Bio fuels Exploratory Transition Initiative Wind Energy Termination Feasibility Program Belly-button Lint Irradiation Implementation Effort Fusion Technology Feasibility Program 2009-04-12 76 7654 b79 106280000 25472000 105447000 Internet Access Consolidation Prevention Initiative Ponzi Scheme Technology Expansion Effort Zero-Point Digitization Optimization Project Solyent Green Consolidation Optimization Effort Energy Transmission Vaporization Implementation Initiative Humans-as-batteries Technology Implementation Project Bio fuels Accelerated Prevention Program Humans-as-batteries Accelerated Feasibility Project Bio fuels Exploratory Implementation Project Energy Transmission Accelerated Feasibility Initiative 76 7654 7a9 106280000 25472000 105447000 Energy Transmission Accelerated Expansion Initiative Zero-Point Contingency Study Initiative Fusion Consolidation Study Effort Sustainable Energy Termination Implementation Effort Belly-button Lint Digitization Restoration Project Zero-Point Digitization Transition Initiative Control System Technology Study Initiative Solyent Green Contingency Restoration Project Solyent Green Consolidation Transition Initiative Solar Energy Exploratory Feasibility Initiative 2009-04-19 76 7654 9f2 25840000 8495000 25472000 Sustainable Energy Digitization Prevention Effort Bio fuels Consolidation Restoration Project Geo-thermal Contingency Study Project Zero-Point Technology Restoration Program Humans-as-batteries Exploratory Feasibility Project Zero-Point Contingency Evaluation Program UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds Humans-as-batteries Vaporization Evaluation Initiative Solar Energy Termination Implementation Effort 76 7654 ef5 25840000 8495000 25472000 Zero-Point Digitization Prevention Project Solyent Green Digitization Prevention Project Humans-as-batteries Exploratory Feasibility Program Bio fuels Contingency Evaluation Initiative Zero-Point Accelerated Evaluation Initiative Solar Energy Vaporization Prevention Initiative X-file Document Shredding Termination Feasibility Project Solar Energy Technology Evaluation Effort Wind Energy Exploratory Expansion Program 76 7654 87b 25840000 8495000 25472000 Wind Energy Technology Feasibility Program Fusion Exploratory Expansion Effort Bio fuels Termination Restoration Program Bio fuels Contingency Restoration Project Solar Energy Accelerated Expansion Project Bio fuels Contingency Study Effort Sustainable Energy Digitization Expansion Program Humans-as-batteries Termination Study Effort Geo-thermal Vaporization Study Initiative 2009-04-26 76 7654 69a 9080000 124990000 8495000 Solyent Green Technology Expansion Program Ponzi Scheme Digitization Optimization Effort Humans-as-batteries Consolidation Transition Initiative Ponzi Scheme Contingency Transition Effort Geo-thermal Accelerated Feasibility Effort HDTV Exploratory Evaluation Project Solyent Green Accelerated Restoration Program Solyent Green Technology Transition Project Humans-as-batteries Technology Optimization Program Bio fuels Termination Restoration Effort 76 7654 3ad 9080000 124990000 8495000 Fusion Exploratory Transition Project Sustainable Energy Exploratory Expansion Program Solar Energy Accelerated Feasibility Project Solyent Green Digitization Prevention Effort Fusion Accelerated Evaluation Program X-file Document Shredding Vaporization Optimization Project Fusion Exploratory Study Initiative Wind Energy Vaporization Restoration Effort Solyent Green Exploratory Prevention Initiative Bio fuels Technology Feasibility Effort 2009-05-03 76 7654 0ee 125540000 37172000 124990000 Fusion Contingency Transition Project Wind Energy Termination Prevention Effort Solyent Green Vaporization Restoration Project Wind Energy Contingency Study Program Geo-thermal Termination Feasibility Effort Geo-thermal Digitization Restoration Effort Zero-Point Accelerated Study Program Humans-as-batteries Accelerated Implementation Effort 76 7654 068 125540000 37172000 124990000 Wind Energy Accelerated Expansion Program Wind Energy Consolidation Prevention Program Zero-Point Digitization Restoration Program Sustainable Energy Accelerated Expansion Program Bio fuels Consolidation Optimization Effort Bio fuels Technology Restoration Project Wind Energy Digitization Optimization Effort Fusion Consolidation Feasibility Project 76 7654 9a0 125540000 37172000 124990000 Robotic Overlords Termination Feasibility Initiative Sustainable Energy Contingency Study Project Process Irradiation Study Initiative Risk-Management Accelerated Prevention Program Humans-as-batteries Exploratory Feasibility Program Wind Energy Contingency Optimization Project Belly-button Lint Termination Prevention Effort Operations Contingency Feasibility Program 2009-05-10 76 7654 4ee 37360000 1023000 37172000 Risk-Management Accelerated Restoration Effort Sustainable Energy Accelerated Study Effort Solyent Green Exploratory Prevention Project Zero-Point Termination Implementation Program Solar Energy Consolidation Transition Effort 2009-05-17 76 7654 a3f 1200000 14949000 1023000 Geo-thermal Accelerated Study Initiative Zero-Point Exploratory Transition Initiative Fusion Digitization Transition Program Geo-thermal Termination Prevention Program Geo-thermal Contingency Transition Effort Ponzi Scheme Digitization Study Project Wind Energy Irradiation Evaluation Program Energy Transmission Contingency Optimization Program 76 7654 c5c 1200000 14949000 1023000 Wind Energy Contingency Study Project Solar Energy Vaporization Expansion Project Energy Transmission Technology Expansion Initiative Internet Access Termination Expansion Project Piggy Bank Exploratory Study Program Geo-thermal Contingency Prevention Effort Solar Energy Accelerated Optimization Project Bio fuels Vaporization Transition Project 76 7654 435 1200000 14949000 1023000 Sustainable Energy Digitization Expansion Program Geo-thermal Vaporization Restoration Program Fusion Termination Prevention Effort Fusion Technology Implementation Project Zero-Point Contingency Transition Project Wind Energy Contingency Optimization Initiative Humans-as-batteries Irradiation Feasibility Project UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds 2009-05-24 76 7654 bdf 15900000 66500000 14949000 Humans-as-batteries Vaporization Study Initiative UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds Sustainable Energy Digitization Transition Program Zero-Point Accelerated Prevention Effort 2009-05-31 76 7654 6f0 67200000 84244000 66500000 Internet Access Vaporization Evaluation Program Robotic Overlords Digitization Optimization Initiative Energy Transmission Technology Transition Effort Fusion Accelerated Restoration Program 2009-06-07 76 7654 903 84390000 707000 84244000 Zero-Point Accelerated Feasibility Program Risk-Management Technology Feasibility Project Bio fuels Contingency Feasibility Project Belly-button Lint Exploratory Optimization Initiative Solar Energy Digitization Optimization Effort 76 7654 91d 84390000 707000 84244000 Solyent Green Consolidation Implementation Project Fusion Vaporization Study Effort Solyent Green Irradiation Implementation Initiative Energy Transmission Consolidation Study Project Humans-as-batteries Contingency Expansion Program 76 7654 421 84390000 707000 84244000 Solar Energy Accelerated Prevention Initiative Energy Transmission Technology Restoration Program Zero-Point Vaporization Transition Project Zero-Point Exploratory Implementation Initiative Wind Energy Accelerated Implementation Effort 2009-06-14 76 7654 115 820000 558000 707000 Solyent Green Technology Expansion Effort Bio fuels Consolidation Optimization Program Solyent Green Exploratory Feasibility Program Wind Energy Irradiation Evaluation Project Bio fuels Accelerated Evaluation Program 76 7654 458 820000 558000 707000 Wind Energy Contingency Implementation Program Solar Energy Accelerated Optimization Effort Sustainable Energy Termination Study Effort Fusion Digitization Restoration Initiative Bio fuels Termination Study Project 2009-06-21 76 7654 cfa 710000 28990000 558000 Geo-thermal Accelerated Transition Project Energy Transmission Accelerated Transition Effort Zero-Point Exploratory Restoration Initiative Humans-as-batteries Irradiation Expansion Program 76 7654 331 710000 28990000 558000 Wind Energy Irradiation Expansion Initiative Wind Energy Termination Transition Project Bio fuels Exploratory Expansion Project Energy Transmission Exploratory Transition Effort 76 7654 81d 710000 28990000 558000 Bio fuels Contingency Transition Initiative Zero-Point Exploratory Expansion Program Solyent Green Accelerated Prevention Initiative Solyent Green Contingency Prevention Program 2009-06-28 76 7654 700 32370000 59960000 28990000 Sustainable Energy Termination Study Initiative Energy Transmission Termination Implementation Effort X-file Document Shredding Irradiation Transition Project Solyent Green Vaporization Prevention Program Ponzi Scheme Technology Feasibility Project 76 7654 16a 32370000 59960000 28990000 Internet Access Consolidation Transition Program Fusion Accelerated Feasibility Initiative Bio fuels Consolidation Restoration Program Control System Irradiation Restoration Effort HDTV Contingency Optimization Effort 2009-07-05 76 7654 d16 69910000 1118000 59960000 Humans-as-batteries Accelerated Transition Initiative Wind Energy Accelerated Expansion Effort Humans-as-batteries Termination Feasibility Effort Sustainable Energy Contingency Optimization Program Wind Energy Irradiation Feasibility Project HDTV Contingency Expansion Program Zero-Point Exploratory Transition Program 2009-07-12 76 7654 77c 1280000 7053000 1118000 Energy Transmission Technology Feasibility Program Fusion Exploratory Restoration Effort Fusion Termination Prevention Project Zero-Point Digitization Optimization Initiative Sustainable Energy Termination Expansion Project 76 7654 5fd 1280000 7053000 1118000 Risk-Management Irradiation Study Program Solar Energy Contingency Transition Program Humans-as-batteries Contingency Transition Project Fusion Contingency Optimization Project Bio fuels Exploratory Study Program 76 7654 740 1280000 7053000 1118000 Bio fuels Consolidation Optimization Project Humans-as-batteries Technology Implementation Program Energy Transmission Termination Expansion Program Geo-thermal Exploratory Study Effort Wind Energy Exploratory Optimization Project 2009-07-19 76 7654 ba2 7300000 37980000 7053000 Zero-Point Consolidation Restoration Program Zero-Point Accelerated Evaluation Effort Process Termination Feasibility Effort Humans-as-batteries Accelerated Restoration Project 2009-07-26 76 7654 c3e 38910000 93165000 37980000 Piggy Bank Vaporization Prevention Project Solar Energy Exploratory Evaluation Project Wind Energy Technology Study Initiative Energy Transmission Digitization Transition Project Fusion Consolidation Study Project Geo-thermal Exploratory Expansion Initiative 76 7654 0d2 38910000 93165000 37980000 Solyent Green Exploratory Transition Program Bio fuels Exploratory Restoration Initiative Solyent Green Digitization Feasibility Project Zero-Point Contingency Prevention Initiative Solar Energy Irradiation Implementation Program HDTV Exploratory Expansion Project 76 7654 903 38910000 93165000 37980000 Belly-button Lint Accelerated Optimization Initiative Zero-Point Consolidation Optimization Effort Humans-as-batteries Irradiation Prevention Project Geo-thermal Termination Restoration Initiative Solyent Green Digitization Restoration Effort Geo-thermal Consolidation Evaluation Project 2009-08-02 76 7654 04b 93300000 1720000 93165000 UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds Bio fuels Consolidation Transition Initiative Zero-Point Consolidation Implementation Effort Sustainable Energy Contingency Restoration Program Robotic Overlords Technology Feasibility Program Robotic Overlords Technology Optimization Program Solar Energy Accelerated Restoration Program Humans-as-batteries Accelerated Evaluation Program Solar Energy Exploratory Restoration Effort 2009-08-09 76 7654 ecd 8560000 16350000 1720000 Bio fuels Contingency Restoration Program Humans-as-batteries Accelerated Feasibility Initiative Solyent Green Termination Optimization Effort Medieval Living Standards Irradiation Transition Initiative Humans-as-batteries Technology Feasibility Effort Fusion Consolidation Evaluation Effort 76 7654 8a9 8560000 16350000 1720000 Fusion Accelerated Transition Project Bio fuels Irradiation Evaluation Effort Fusion Exploratory Prevention Project Sustainable Energy Vaporization Study Project Geo-thermal Accelerated Transition Project Sustainable Energy Digitization Prevention Initiative 76 7654 d92 8560000 16350000 1720000 X-file Document Shredding Exploratory Implementation Project Bio fuels Exploratory Evaluation Effort Sustainable Energy Irradiation Study Effort Sustainable Energy Contingency Optimization Project Wind Energy Termination Expansion Program Solar Energy Vaporization Implementation Project 2009-08-16 76 7654 5d9 16510000 2811000 16350000 Solyent Green Termination Expansion Effort Control System Accelerated Expansion Program Energy Transmission Consolidation Restoration Project X-file Document Shredding Consolidation Study Effort Wind Energy Accelerated Evaluation Project Energy Transmission Technology Expansion Effort 76 7654 794 16510000 2811000 16350000 Humans-as-batteries Irradiation Study Effort Sustainable Energy Consolidation Evaluation Initiative Sustainable Energy Exploratory Implementation Project Warm Fuzzy Contingency Optimization Effort Ponzi Scheme Accelerated Transition Effort Wind Energy Vaporization Restoration Initiative 2009-08-23 76 7654 ec6 3270000 35479000 2811000 Solar Energy Accelerated Optimization Program Wind Energy Contingency Transition Initiative Solar Energy Contingency Implementation Program Bio fuels Digitization Evaluation Program Belly-button Lint Contingency Feasibility Initiative Solar Energy Exploratory Evaluation Project Fusion Technology Prevention Program 76 7654 e72 3270000 35479000 2811000 X-file Document Shredding Exploratory Restoration Initiative Sustainable Energy Contingency Study Project Wind Energy Irradiation Implementation Program Solyent Green Termination Prevention Initiative Energy Transmission Consolidation Study Effort Robotic Overlords Vaporization Evaluation Initiative Humans-as-batteries Termination Study Program 76 7654 8c4 3270000 35479000 2811000 Fusion Digitization Implementation Initiative Wind Energy Digitization Expansion Project Wind Energy Accelerated Expansion Project Wind Energy Technology Transition Initiative Process Contingency Feasibility Project Energy Transmission Contingency Expansion Program X-file Document Shredding Contingency Restoration Effort 2009-08-30 76 7654 44b 39950000 2689000 35479000 Solyent Green Technology Restoration Initiative Risk-Management Contingency Transition Program Wind Energy Irradiation Prevention Program Solar Energy Technology Study Project Solyent Green Contingency Evaluation Initiative Zero-Point Contingency Evaluation Project Zero-Point Accelerated Study Initiative Geo-thermal Digitization Transition Program Sustainable Energy Irradiation Restoration Initiative Risk-Management Digitization Transition Project 2009-09-06 76 7654 ffc 3480000 40328000 2689000 Zero-Point Exploratory Restoration Program Geo-thermal Irradiation Implementation Effort Zero-Point Consolidation Study Effort Solyent Green Irradiation Study Project Geo-thermal Accelerated Optimization Initiative Medieval Living Standards Technology Study Program Energy Transmission Termination Evaluation Effort Energy Transmission Digitization Optimization Program 76 7654 4ab 3480000 40328000 2689000 Fusion Contingency Transition Effort Solar Energy Termination Feasibility Project Zero-Point Contingency Expansion Initiative Wind Energy Irradiation Transition Initiative Wind Energy Accelerated Study Effort Belly-button Lint Consolidation Expansion Program Energy Transmission Irradiation Prevention Initiative Geo-thermal Technology Transition Program 76 7654 f16 3480000 40328000 2689000 Bio fuels Vaporization Feasibility Effort Zero-Point Irradiation Expansion Project Sustainable Energy Accelerated Evaluation Initiative Fusion Contingency Optimization Program Solar Energy Digitization Optimization Program Sustainable Energy Exploratory Transition Initiative Energy Transmission Consolidation Prevention Initiative Sustainable Energy Digitization Transition Effort 2009-09-13 76 7654 933 40440000 43408000 40328000 Sustainable Energy Digitization Restoration Initiative Fusion Contingency Transition Initiative Fusion Consolidation Feasibility Initiative Wind Energy Irradiation Transition Project Humans-as-batteries Vaporization Prevention Effort Solar Energy Contingency Feasibility Initiative Geo-thermal Accelerated Implementation Program Belly-button Lint Contingency Transition Project Solar Energy Accelerated Transition Initiative Solyent Green Consolidation Feasibility Effort Humans-as-batteries Digitization Feasibility Initiative 2009-09-20 76 7654 7e6 43890000 91240000 43408000 Fusion Consolidation Feasibility Project Wind Energy Accelerated Study Program Solyent Green Contingency Optimization Initiative Solar Energy Accelerated Study Project Operations Termination Optimization Program Solyent Green Exploratory Restoration Project Wind Energy Termination Implementation Effort 76 7654 96d 43890000 91240000 43408000 Solar Energy Exploratory Study Project Energy Transmission Exploratory Evaluation Project Wind Energy Technology Prevention Program Fusion Irradiation Study Program Ponzi Scheme Termination Prevention Program Bio fuels Irradiation Prevention Initiative Fusion Consolidation Feasibility Program 76 7654 dca 43890000 91240000 43408000 Geo-thermal Technology Evaluation Program Ponzi Scheme Contingency Transition Effort Bio fuels Exploratory Implementation Program Solyent Green Exploratory Restoration Project Fusion Contingency Evaluation Initiative Geo-thermal Consolidation Optimization Effort Zero-Point Contingency Restoration Effort 2009-09-27 76 7654 6e5 91550000 102070000 91240000 Wind Energy Consolidation Feasibility Program Sustainable Energy Vaporization Evaluation Effort Robotic Overlords Exploratory Feasibility Project Bio fuels Termination Expansion Initiative Energy Transmission Technology Evaluation Effort Bio fuels Accelerated Feasibility Project Ren and Stimpy Systems 481000 7298592815491 8011836 Solar Energy Irradiation Restoration Initiative 351 NW 5th St Suite: 6348 Miami County for Miami Florida 33128 76 7654 04b Universal Wall-e and Partners 3900000 2096124169990 5217237 Humans-as-batteries Accelerated Implementation Effort 455 Golden Gate Avenue Suite: 2643 San Francisco County for San Francisco California 94102 76 7654 a29 Hirudinea LLP 47590000 3195612805651 1729865 Wind Energy Termination Transition Project P.O. Box 166006 Suite: 6106 Little Rock County for Little Rock Arkansas 72216 76 7654 c7a Global Kara Thrace Marketing 385000 1651827972876 1159521 Solyent Green Digitization Restoration Effort William Penn Street, 2nd Fl. Suite: 800 Dover County for Dover Delaware 19901 76 7654 903 Ghostbusters Solutions 118000 1895443695377 6829767 X-file Document Shredding Termination Feasibility Project 231 Capitol Avenue Suite: 5786 Hartford County for Hartford Connecticut 06106 76 7654 351 Western Ratbert Consulting 438000 1679148046709 2731415 Bio fuels Technology Feasibility Effort 231 Capitol Avenue Suite: 5128 Hartford County for Hartford Connecticut 06106 76 7654 331 Northern Ancient Curse Studios 307000 1232492903210 8738961 Internet Access Termination Expansion Project 1500 Marilla, Room 5EN Suite: 7888 Dallas County for Dallas Texas 75201 76 7654 44b Northern My Precious and Associates 48730000 1976642465599 3127612 Solyent Green Contingency Prevention Program 302 W Washington Street, Room E418 Suite: 8129 Indianapolis County for Indianapolis Indiana 462042765 76 7654 d16 Western Voldemort and Partners 80300000 8759491532898 7377675 Solyent Green Technology Transition Project 214 State House Suite: 4912 Springfield County for Springfield Illinois 62706 76 7654 8a9 Eastern Soylent and Partners 23390000 1437369740885 1268588 Geo-thermal Exploratory Expansion Initiative 200 West 24th Street Suite: 2301 Cheyenne County for Cheyenne Wyoming 820020010 76 7654 44b Ratbert Studios 781000 1297393767840 1691868 Wind Energy Irradiation Study Project 350 North State Street, Suite 200 Suite: 9358 Salt Lake City County for Salt Lake City Utah 841142220 76 7654 96d National Dr. Strangelove Consulting 597000 7473436388561 1481328 Solyent Green Contingency Evaluation Initiative 351 NW 5th St Suite: 145 Miami County for Miami Florida 33128 76 7654 d16 Southern Ren and Stimpy Studios 35410000 1091824954286 7598448 Belly-button Lint Digitization Restoration Project 2300 N. Lincoln Blvd., Room 212 Suite: 3726 Oklahoma City County for Oklahoma City Oklahoma 73105 76 7654 d92 Wall-e Healthcare 418000 4367889537351 7895916 X-file Document Shredding Vaporization Optimization Project 436 Dwight Street Suite: 4162 Springfield County for Springfield Massachusetts 01103 76 7654 a29 Southern Ghostbusters Corporation 130000 1766636596654 5901905 Geo-thermal Accelerated Transition Project 1350 Front Street Suite: 515 San Diego County for San Diego California 92101 76 7654 bdf Western Ren and Stimpy Studios 69400000 2079296857476 1404125 Solar Energy Consolidation Transition Effort 1100 San Jacinto Suite: 6850 Austin County for Austin Texas 78701 76 7654 903 Universal Ancient Curse Wholesalers 154000 9516409936806 1482475 Fusion Irradiation Study Program 700 West Jefferson 2nd floor. Suite: 2227 Boise County for Boise Idaho 83702 76 7654 82b Dr. Strangelove Wholesalers 189000 7479620521876 7451264 Wind Energy Vaporization Restoration Effort 1 Centre Street Suite: 709 New York County for New York New York 10007 76 7654 663 Global Dr. Strangelove Marketing 529000 1352934712552 1977891 Warm Fuzzy Contingency Implementation Project 4500 Avenue I Suite: 1360 Scottsbluff County for Scottsbluff Nebraska 693631500 76 7654 7a9 Northern Megacorp and Partners 320000 3770381682734 2731415 Bio fuels Technology Feasibility Effort 210 Capitol Avenue Suite: 8241 Hartford County for Hartford Connecticut 06106 76 7654 a43 Buy-Low 551000 4356041425337 6481379 Wind Energy Accelerated Implementation Effort 455 Golden Gate Avenue Suite: 415 San Francisco County for San Francisco California 94102 76 7654 8c4 Global Ancient Curse Solutions 348000 1527264328236 1385133 Geo-thermal Consolidation Evaluation Project 101 N. Carson Street Suite: 1945 Carson City County for Carson City Nevada 89701 76 7654 f16 Southern Grey-Goo Healthcare 75500000 5647189235357 3549492 Bio fuels Technology Restoration Project 351 NW 5th St Suite: 1892 Miami County for Miami Florida 33128 76 7654 4ee ACME Distributors 372000 1910744273336 4275825 Zero-Point Digitization Optimization Initiative 820 N. French Street, 12th Fl. Suite: 4320 Wilmington County for Wilmington Delaware 19801 76 7654 ba2 Western Grey-Goo Marketing 769000 6117553927837 1750510 Ponzi Scheme Termination Prevention Program 210 Capitol Avenue Suite: 8291 Hartford County for Hartford Connecticut 06106 76 7654 4ab Dr. Strangelove Distributors 494000 1743042138789 2030646 Fusion Consolidation Feasibility Project 351 NW 5th St Suite: 7868 Miami County for Miami Florida 33128 76 7654 77c KAOS Marketing 4880000 1548838172602 1002328 Humans-as-batteries Irradiation Feasibility Project 136 State Capitol Suite: 2112 Denver County for Denver Colorado 802031792 76 7654 ec6 Southern Hirudinea Incorporated 412000 1425285457928 7697934 Humans-as-batteries Exploratory Feasibility Project 600 Dexter Avenue Suite: 5087 Montgomery County for Montgomery Alabama 36130 76 7654 e43 Agency awards $191,000 in DE http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/f0b0170b56a3b40f235351c0b051ce9e Video The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency contracted $191,000 to National Look Busy Incorporated, an organization based in Delaware. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: ' Leadership of this group was quoted as saying 'Excellent, Smithers'.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Cylon (alpha-version) Contingency Feasibility Initiative. Agency officials said that: 'We usually don't get to launch into program areas that seem fun or interesting to the outside world. This proposal matched our program objectives far more effectively than competing ideas that insisted that the national and consumer debt could be erased merely by removing some zeros in random financial databases.' 2009-03-15T12:47:31Z snark Agency completes 4 recovery projects http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/57fa3dbea29b39ebf896abedf901a4fd Other The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency has completed 4 projects by working in conjunction with US-based academic, nonprofit, and commercial organizations. As part of this agency's participation in the national economic recovery efforts, agency officials report completion of the following initiatives: (1) Perpetual Motion Digitization Implementation Initiative; (2) Administrative Contingency Implementation Effort; (3) Administrative Consolidation Prevention Project; (4) Warm Fuzzy Consolidation Feasibility Program. These efforts were all completed by March 8, 2009, and the subsequent review process determined them to be a resounding success. Agency officials noted that all of this effort cost US-tax payers a mere $119,605,000. In other words, the agency accomplished much, in partnership with the American people, for very little money. Delivery of this important, but faked, announcement (in a format that is actually useable) was made possible thanks to the exemplary efforts of the UC Berkeley, School of Information, ISD Team: Erik Wilde, Eric Kansa, and Raymond Yee. 2009-03-21T19:15:50Z dud Agency awards $258,000 in VA http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/64567bbf50dcd96a01e5a58fd091f2b6 Video The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency allocated $258,000 to Eastern Kwik-E-Mart Incorporated, an organization based in Virginia. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We are very excited about the prospects. ' The award is part ongoing efforts for Warp Drive Technology Study Program. Agency officials said that: 'This is a clear step forward in achieving our national priorities. It looks like our agency will be exaggerating its accomplishments again this year.' 2009-03-22T12:49:50Z sweet Agency awards $490,000 in WA http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/c4b1874b263ba912bc7c12b99112b908 Other The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency contracted $490,000 to Western Palpatine Corporation, an organization based in Washington. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. Under our leadership, the tax-payer dollars will return maximum value.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Operations Contingency Feasibility Project. Agency officials said that: 'This is an examplar of how our agency is helping lead this nation to recovery. Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts.' 2009-03-23T02:45:28Z insane Agency awards $471,000 in CA http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/7a29492f7b4771ea9c99d903364ae242 PressRelease The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency granted $471,000 to Universal Wall-e International, an organization based in California. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'With $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love! ' The award is part ongoing efforts for Skynet (beta) Termination Feasibility Program. Agency officials said that: 'This is a clear step forward in achieving our national priorities. Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts.' 2009-03-24T14:58:11Z folksonomy Agency awards $16,460,000 in NY http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/da7f7fb47cf5b297e2126a0d0bdd1765 PressRelease The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency granted $16,460,000 to Southern Rockie and Bullwinkle Wholesalers, an organization based in New York. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Evil will always triumph over good because good is dumb. Through our efforts the future is bright.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Death Star Irradiation Prevention Effort. Agency officials said that: 'This program is all about getting America back to work. We usually don't get to launch into program areas that seem fun or interesting to the outside world.' 2009-03-27T22:45:45Z tags Agency awards $132,000 in CT http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/8ca1e127d447a13ba20f4381d08a9ae0 Other The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency contracted $132,000 to Eastern Palpatine Incorporated, an organization based in Connecticut. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We are really stunned that they accepted our proposal. It was intended as a joke! With $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!' The award is part ongoing efforts for Cylon (alpha-version) Vaporization Transition Initiative. Agency officials said that: 'As you gain experience, you'll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination. This proposal matched our program objectives far more effectively than competing ideas that insisted that the national and consumer debt could be erased merely by removing some zeros in random financial databases.' 2009-03-28T06:20:01Z insane Western Ghostbusters Systems awarded $336,000 http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/495823fe0195a14a9d9b89a557917483 Video The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency awarded $336,000 to Western Ghostbusters Systems, an organization based in Tennessee. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We are very excited about the prospects. We have a proven process for getting things done.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Skynet (beta) Irradiation Implementation Program. Agency officials said that: 'Our agency regards Atom feeds as so much fun, that we can't help but to randomly generate press-releases. This program is all about getting America back to work.' 2009-04-10T21:21:31Z atom Grey-Goo Distributors awarded $140,000 http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/d54e8d52eec1d14a226766da64d426d6 PressRelease The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency granted $140,000 to Grey-Goo Distributors, an organization based in Georgia. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We have a proven process for getting things done. We are very excited about the prospects.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Skynet (beta) Exploratory Restoration Effort. Agency officials said that: 'There has never been a project or program quite so ambitious, ever. We usually don't get to launch into program areas that seem fun or interesting to the outside world.' 2009-04-15T05:45:36Z tags whimper Agency completes 5 recovery projects http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/63509d1cc32cea77ee02c66a69c0f848 Video The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency has completed 5 projects by working in conjunction with US-based academic, nonprofit, and commercial organizations. As part of this agency's participation in the national economic recovery efforts, agency officials report completion of the following initiatives: (1) Robotic Overlords Vaporization Transition Initiative; (2) Perpetual Motion Irradiation Prevention Effort; (3) Perpetual Motion Exploratory Optimization Initiative; (4) Cylon (alpha-version) Vaporization Feasibility Initiative; (5) Piggy Bank Termination Optimization Program. These efforts were all completed by March 15, 2009, and the subsequent review process determined them to be a resounding success. Agency officials noted that all of this effort cost US-tax payers a mere $25,012,000. In other words, the agency accomplished much, in partnership with the American people, for very little money. Delivery of this important, but faked, announcement (in a format that is actually useable) was made possible thanks to the exemplary efforts of the UC Berkeley, School of Information, ISD Team: Erik Wilde, Eric Kansa, and Raymond Yee. 2009-04-25T04:30:53Z SOA Agency awards $19,400,000 in NC http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/4bdb9de3df7c4679ea35dc771f993ce3 Video The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency allocated $19,400,000 to Southern Dogbert Consolidated, an organization based in North Carolina. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Money can be exchanged for goods and services! With $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!' The award is part ongoing efforts for Administrative Consolidation Study Project. Agency officials said that: 'As you gain experience, you'll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination. As you gain experience, you'll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination.' 2009-05-08T10:31:00Z SOA Agency awards $170,000 in MA http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/a6b802e73ec4e65ffa2d4dad9c499319 Video The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency awarded $170,000 to Universal Buy-Low and Partners, an organization based in Massachusetts. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Only a cynic would think this press-release was randomly generated. ' The award is part ongoing efforts for Earth-swallowing Black Hole Contingency Implementation Initiative. Agency officials said that: 'It looks like our agency will be exaggerating its accomplishments again this year. Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts.' 2009-05-10T13:01:12Z SOA Agency awards $7,640,000 in NJ http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/d5d4fa792b0115c3cb93eb6c0364010a Video The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency granted $7,640,000 to Eastern Naval-Gazing Research Incorporated, an organization based in New Jersey. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: ' We have a proven process for getting things done.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Death Star Accelerated Expansion Project. Agency officials said that: 'As you gain experience, you'll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination. Although we may be headed toward Neolithic levels of subsistence, systemic review of organizational processes are essential.' 2009-05-12T10:51:16Z humor Agency awards $432,000 in KY http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/56498518c90c35d1bd19139117f6157f PressRelease The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency awarded $432,000 to Kara Thrace Corporation, an organization based in Kentucky. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'I'll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. I'll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Death Star Technology Feasibility Initiative. Agency officials said that: 'This proposal matched our program objectives far more effectively than competing ideas that insisted that the national and consumer debt could be erased merely by removing some zeros in random financial databases. It looks like our agency will be exaggerating its accomplishments again this year.' 2009-05-14T02:08:36Z sweet Agency awards $8,730,000 in KY http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/4f8ef0b5914b4b20966ba690a199fbc5 Other The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency granted $8,730,000 to Northern Megacorp Distributors, an organization based in Kentucky. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Only a cynic would think this press-release was randomly generated. Under our leadership, the tax-payer dollars will return maximum value.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Perpetual Motion Contingency Restoration Project. Agency officials said that: 'This is a clear step forward in achieving our national priorities. Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts.' 2009-05-22T10:39:38Z web2 Agency awards $39,130,000 in RI http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/42e051539c0ef19756d2b6ab3944ee3e Video The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency granted $39,130,000 to Allied Landshark Solutions, an organization based in Rhode Island. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Who says academia, government, and industry are inept fools? Who says academia, government, and industry are inept fools?' The award is part ongoing efforts for Skynet (beta) Contingency Feasibility Initiative. Agency officials said that: 'Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts. We have no idea if this will work, but, frankly, we are desperate.' 2009-05-31T18:17:46Z atom cool Agency awards $923,000 in FL http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/9c2114ef77959d62f46a0e4e907c26f2 Other The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency granted $923,000 to Universal Mr. Hankey and Partners, an organization based in Florida. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Only a cynic would think this press-release was randomly generated. I'll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Administrative Technology Study Initiative. Agency officials said that: 'This program is all about getting America back to work. We usually don't get to launch into program areas that seem fun or interesting to the outside world.' 2009-06-15T15:59:54Z whimper whimper Ancient Curse Healthcare awarded $147,000 http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/afb37cdc81f27c259c12e4d5086c4027 Other The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency allocated $147,000 to Ancient Curse Healthcare, an organization based in Texas. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Evil will always triumph over good because good is dumb. We have a proven process for getting things done.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Internet Access Irradiation Implementation Initiative. Agency officials said that: 'We usually don't get to launch into program areas that seem fun or interesting to the outside world. It looks like our agency will be exaggerating its accomplishments again this year.' 2009-06-18T03:24:51Z humor Agency awards $97,500,000 in IL http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/935e6fa13a0f693e4eb99b72e1612ec3 Video The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency awarded $97,500,000 to Universal Omni Consumer Products Distribution, an organization based in Illinois. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We are really stunned that they accepted our proposal. It was intended as a joke! Evil will always triumph over good because good is dumb.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Warp Drive Technology Study Effort. Agency officials said that: 'This is a clear step forward in achieving our national priorities. There has never been a project or program quite so ambitious, ever.' 2009-06-19T01:19:29Z tags Agency awards $200,000 in TX http://www.darpa.mil/recovery/coms/478d9df779296fafa8ac96cb81dcf3d7 PressRelease The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency awarded $200,000 to Eastern Center for Wishful Thinking International, an organization based in Texas. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Money can be exchanged for goods and services! We have a proven process for getting things done.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Perpetual Motion Exploratory Expansion Initiative. Agency officials said that: 'We usually don't get to launch into program areas that seem fun or interesting to the outside world. There has never been a project or program quite so ambitious, ever.' 2009-06-25T04:37:31Z humor 2009-03-08 A9 a916 f4b 120350000 25012000 119605000 Perpetual Motion Digitization Implementation Initiative Administrative Contingency Implementation Effort Administrative Consolidation Prevention Project Warm Fuzzy Consolidation Feasibility Program Warp Drive Termination Study Program Perpetual Motion Contingency Optimization Initiative Earth-swallowing Black Hole Termination Feasibility Effort Perpetual Motion Digitization Feasibility Program Piggy Bank Consolidation Optimization Program A9 a916 0a6 120350000 25012000 119605000 Administrative Irradiation Optimization Initiative Warp Drive Digitization Expansion Effort Perpetual Motion Termination Restoration Project Death Star Digitization Evaluation Initiative Process Exploratory Prevention Project Perpetual Motion Contingency Evaluation Program Operations Contingency Feasibility Project Skynet (beta) Termination Feasibility Program Skynet (beta) Contingency Implementation Effort A9 a916 3b6 120350000 25012000 119605000 Death Star Irradiation Implementation Program Perpetual Motion Termination Restoration Effort Skynet (beta) Exploratory Implementation Initiative Death Star Digitization Study Effort UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds Cylon (alpha-version) Irradiation Transition Effort Robotic Overlords Exploratory Evaluation Program Warp Drive Irradiation Evaluation Project Medieval Living Standards Consolidation Transition Program 2009-03-15 A9 a916 c0f 25110000 33640000 25012000 Robotic Overlords Vaporization Transition Initiative Perpetual Motion Irradiation Prevention Effort Perpetual Motion Exploratory Optimization Initiative Cylon (alpha-version) Vaporization Feasibility Initiative Piggy Bank Termination Optimization Program Death Star Termination Transition Project Skynet (beta) Digitization Expansion Initiative Perpetual Motion Technology Restoration Effort A9 a916 c40 25110000 33640000 25012000 Administrative Accelerated Feasibility Project Skynet (beta) Digitization Transition Initiative Cylon (alpha-version) Accelerated Implementation Program Cylon (alpha-version) Contingency Evaluation Effort Perpetual Motion Termination Evaluation Program Skynet (beta) Contingency Restoration Program Administrative Termination Implementation Project Death Star Accelerated Prevention Effort A9 a916 945 25110000 33640000 25012000 Perpetual Motion Technology Prevention Initiative Cylon (alpha-version) Termination Transition Initiative Warp Drive Contingency Feasibility Initiative Earth-swallowing Black Hole Accelerated Feasibility Effort Skynet (beta) Contingency Transition Initiative Administrative Exploratory Transition Effort Warp Drive Termination Expansion Project Perpetual Motion Contingency Restoration Project 2009-03-22 A9 a916 4b4 36300000 27110000 33640000 UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds Cylon (alpha-version) Technology Evaluation Program Warp Drive Digitization Evaluation Project Operations Technology Restoration Program Earth-swallowing Black Hole Irradiation Implementation Effort Warp Drive Digitization Restoration Effort Control System Contingency Restoration Project Administrative Digitization Prevention Effort 2009-03-29 A9 a916 9c5 83010000 1518000 27110000 Internet Access Consolidation Prevention Project Administrative Accelerated Expansion Project Death Star Termination Prevention Program Death Star Vaporization Expansion Initiative 2009-04-05 A9 a916 62b 4030000 5338000 1518000 Process Digitization Feasibility Project HDTV Exploratory Expansion Program Cylon (alpha-version) Exploratory Implementation Initiative Skynet (beta) Consolidation Evaluation Initiative Skynet (beta) Digitization Feasibility Program Piggy Bank Accelerated Feasibility Program Cylon (alpha-version) Digitization Expansion Effort Earth-swallowing Black Hole Digitization Restoration Project Ponzi Scheme Vaporization Implementation Program 2009-04-12 A9 a916 7d6 5800000 6766000 5338000 Perpetual Motion Exploratory Transition Project Cylon (alpha-version) Vaporization Prevention Effort Perpetual Motion Consolidation Prevention Initiative Perpetual Motion Vaporization Expansion Initiative Perpetual Motion Accelerated Transition Initiative Warp Drive Termination Implementation Initiative Skynet (beta) Consolidation Study Effort Warp Drive Irradiation Restoration Initiative Skynet (beta) Accelerated Restoration Effort Administrative Termination Optimization Initiative Piggy Bank Accelerated Expansion Effort A9 a916 8da 5800000 6766000 5338000 Skynet (beta) Contingency Implementation Project Earth-swallowing Black Hole Technology Study Initiative Skynet (beta) Vaporization Prevention Initiative Cylon (alpha-version) Vaporization Expansion Program Earth-swallowing Black Hole Termination Evaluation Program Administrative Technology Study Effort Piggy Bank Digitization Restoration Program Perpetual Motion Exploratory Expansion Project Skynet (beta) Digitization Transition Effort Perpetual Motion Digitization Feasibility Effort Internet Access Irradiation Implementation Initiative A9 a916 787 5800000 6766000 5338000 Operations Exploratory Implementation Project Skynet (beta) Contingency Implementation Effort Cylon (alpha-version) Consolidation Restoration Project Administrative Termination Prevention Program Earth-swallowing Black Hole Accelerated Transition Project Cylon (alpha-version) Vaporization Transition Initiative Administrative Digitization Optimization Project Perpetual Motion Contingency Restoration Initiative Cylon (alpha-version) Irradiation Optimization Program Earth-swallowing Black Hole Termination Evaluation Program Earth-swallowing Black Hole Contingency Evaluation Project 2009-04-19 A9 a916 558 101170000 7414000 6766000 Skynet (beta) Digitization Optimization Initiative Piggy Bank Termination Prevention Initiative Administrative Vaporization Implementation Effort Warp Drive Digitization Feasibility Program Administrative Accelerated Prevention Effort A9 a916 f64 101170000 7414000 6766000 Death Star Contingency Expansion Effort Warm Fuzzy Technology Prevention Project Perpetual Motion Accelerated Study Project Administrative Contingency Transition Program Belly-button Lint Termination Evaluation Program 2009-04-26 A9 a916 462 7830000 32090000 7414000 Warm Fuzzy Vaporization Restoration Effort Earth-swallowing Black Hole Contingency Implementation Initiative Skynet (beta) Termination Restoration Program X-file Document Shredding Contingency Evaluation Effort Cylon (alpha-version) Contingency Feasibility Initiative Earth-swallowing Black Hole Vaporization Transition Effort Internet Access Contingency Feasibility Effort A9 a916 a53 7830000 32090000 7414000 Death Star Digitization Feasibility Program Earth-swallowing Black Hole Consolidation Prevention Initiative Warm Fuzzy Contingency Implementation Program Warp Drive Technology Study Effort Perpetual Motion Accelerated Expansion Effort Earth-swallowing Black Hole Vaporization Feasibility Program Earth-swallowing Black Hole Termination Optimization Effort 2009-05-03 A9 a916 c68 32370000 34622000 32090000 Death Star Irradiation Expansion Effort Death Star Digitization Restoration Initiative Skynet (beta) Contingency Transition Program Perpetual Motion Technology Transition Effort Perpetual Motion Vaporization Restoration Project Perpetual Motion Exploratory Transition Effort 2009-05-10 A9 a916 13d 40960000 955000 34622000 Cylon (alpha-version) Technology Optimization Program Cylon (alpha-version) Technology Prevention Effort Perpetual Motion Accelerated Study Program A9 a916 048 40960000 955000 34622000 Skynet (beta) Exploratory Optimization Effort Death Star Irradiation Restoration Program Perpetual Motion Technology Evaluation Project A9 a916 1f5 40960000 955000 34622000 Perpetual Motion Consolidation Transition Initiative Administrative Irradiation Feasibility Effort Cylon (alpha-version) Termination Expansion Program 2009-05-17 A9 a916 fe1 1200000 84144000 955000 Earth-swallowing Black Hole Contingency Study Project Perpetual Motion Exploratory Study Effort Death Star Exploratory Transition Initiative HDTV Exploratory Optimization Initiative Earth-swallowing Black Hole Digitization Optimization Program Control System Exploratory Optimization Effort Skynet (beta) Exploratory Restoration Effort Operations Irradiation Transition Program A9 a916 dc6 1200000 84144000 955000 Belly-button Lint Technology Implementation Initiative HDTV Technology Evaluation Project Administrative Exploratory Evaluation Project Cylon (alpha-version) Technology Transition Effort Warp Drive Digitization Restoration Project Administrative Termination Transition Project X-file Document Shredding Termination Study Program Warp Drive Digitization Study Program A9 a916 608 1200000 84144000 955000 Operations Exploratory Transition Effort Cylon (alpha-version) Exploratory Evaluation Project Warp Drive Exploratory Expansion Effort Robotic Overlords Contingency Implementation Initiative Earth-swallowing Black Hole Contingency Expansion Program Cylon (alpha-version) Irradiation Expansion Initiative Perpetual Motion Accelerated Expansion Project Cylon (alpha-version) Vaporization Prevention Initiative 2009-05-24 A9 a916 00f 120910000 1419000 84144000 Skynet (beta) Digitization Transition Initiative Warp Drive Digitization Transition Initiative Skynet (beta) Technology Feasibility Initiative Administrative Vaporization Optimization Project Ponzi Scheme Exploratory Implementation Initiative 2009-05-31 A9 a916 c44 1770000 771000 1419000 Piggy Bank Vaporization Study Effort Risk-Management Accelerated Study Initiative Death Star Consolidation Transition Project Warp Drive Technology Study Program Perpetual Motion Technology Transition Project A9 a916 b01 1770000 771000 1419000 Cylon (alpha-version) Consolidation Optimization Effort Cylon (alpha-version) Exploratory Evaluation Initiative Administrative Vaporization Restoration Program Death Star Vaporization Prevention Initiative Perpetual Motion Accelerated Feasibility Initiative 2009-06-07 A9 a916 3b5 1440000 2706000 771000 Administrative Irradiation Feasibility Project Perpetual Motion Exploratory Implementation Initiative Earth-swallowing Black Hole Contingency Implementation Program Death Star Irradiation Prevention Effort 2009-06-14 A9 a916 5f9 12320000 23334000 2706000 X-file Document Shredding Technology Implementation Program Control System Consolidation Optimization Initiative Warp Drive Irradiation Evaluation Initiative Skynet (beta) Technology Prevention Project Warp Drive Irradiation Study Initiative Skynet (beta) Irradiation Restoration Project Death Star Termination Feasibility Initiative Control System Vaporization Implementation Effort Perpetual Motion Consolidation Restoration Effort 2009-06-21 A9 a916 0d2 23860000 58874000 23334000 Perpetual Motion Digitization Optimization Project Perpetual Motion Consolidation Optimization Effort Cylon (alpha-version) Vaporization Restoration Initiative Earth-swallowing Black Hole Vaporization Feasibility Effort Cylon (alpha-version) Irradiation Expansion Program Warp Drive Accelerated Prevention Project Earth-swallowing Black Hole Exploratory Feasibility Program Cylon (alpha-version) Contingency Feasibility Initiative 2009-06-28 A9 a916 203 58980000 2933000 58874000 Earth-swallowing Black Hole Exploratory Implementation Effort Skynet (beta) Exploratory Evaluation Effort Ponzi Scheme Irradiation Optimization Effort Death Star Vaporization Implementation Effort 2009-07-05 A9 a916 1e9 3170000 1612000 2933000 Administrative Termination Evaluation Project X-file Document Shredding Vaporization Feasibility Program Skynet (beta) Consolidation Prevention Initiative Warp Drive Technology Study Program Cylon (alpha-version) Digitization Restoration Effort 2009-07-12 A9 a916 f3f 8290000 8474000 1612000 Warp Drive Digitization Evaluation Initiative Skynet (beta) Contingency Restoration Initiative Death Star Accelerated Expansion Project Robotic Overlords Technology Implementation Project Administrative Consolidation Expansion Effort Earth-swallowing Black Hole Exploratory Evaluation Initiative 2009-07-19 A9 a916 e14 9040000 11124000 8474000 Death Star Technology Optimization Program Administrative Technology Expansion Program Piggy Bank Contingency Restoration Project Death Star Irradiation Restoration Project Death Star Irradiation Prevention Effort Earth-swallowing Black Hole Contingency Evaluation Program Administrative Technology Study Initiative Earth-swallowing Black Hole Termination Feasibility Project Perpetual Motion Consolidation Evaluation Effort A9 a916 b22 9040000 11124000 8474000 Piggy Bank Exploratory Restoration Effort Earth-swallowing Black Hole Irradiation Restoration Project Cylon (alpha-version) Vaporization Prevention Project Warp Drive Digitization Prevention Project HDTV Irradiation Optimization Initiative Perpetual Motion Termination Expansion Effort Skynet (beta) Accelerated Prevention Initiative Earth-swallowing Black Hole Irradiation Optimization Project Skynet (beta) Exploratory Evaluation Effort 2009-07-26 A9 a916 372 11250000 10562000 11124000 Skynet (beta) Irradiation Feasibility Initiative X-file Document Shredding Vaporization Prevention Project Belly-button Lint Technology Study Program Ponzi Scheme Exploratory Evaluation Effort Skynet (beta) Digitization Optimization Project Administrative Technology Prevention Program Perpetual Motion Termination Optimization Project Cylon (alpha-version) Vaporization Prevention Project Warp Drive Technology Transition Initiative Death Star Irradiation Prevention Project A9 a916 abc 11250000 10562000 11124000 Skynet (beta) Termination Transition Program Skynet (beta) Termination Expansion Project Skynet (beta) Termination Study Effort Warp Drive Termination Prevention Project Robotic Overlords Irradiation Prevention Project Administrative Digitization Study Project Death Star Technology Feasibility Initiative Skynet (beta) Exploratory Feasibility Effort Death Star Technology Restoration Effort Warp Drive Vaporization Transition Program 2009-08-02 A9 a916 c20 10770000 4898000 10562000 Operations Accelerated Transition Project Warp Drive Digitization Prevention Effort Earth-swallowing Black Hole Accelerated Study Program Administrative Contingency Optimization Project Perpetual Motion Vaporization Optimization Program 2009-08-09 A9 a916 76f 8050000 41646000 4898000 Robotic Overlords Technology Restoration Initiative Earth-swallowing Black Hole Consolidation Optimization Program Death Star Exploratory Feasibility Program Cylon (alpha-version) Termination Optimization Initiative X-file Document Shredding Technology Study Program Cylon (alpha-version) Termination Evaluation Project Cylon (alpha-version) Consolidation Study Program A9 a916 4ca 8050000 41646000 4898000 Earth-swallowing Black Hole Termination Restoration Program HDTV Irradiation Expansion Initiative Warp Drive Technology Evaluation Effort Death Star Digitization Feasibility Effort Cylon (alpha-version) Consolidation Restoration Effort Earth-swallowing Black Hole Vaporization Prevention Project Administrative Consolidation Study Project A9 a916 f2a 8050000 41646000 4898000 Warp Drive Technology Study Program Warp Drive Consolidation Optimization Program Robotic Overlords Technology Feasibility Project Administrative Exploratory Expansion Program Administrative Irradiation Feasibility Project Cylon (alpha-version) Contingency Optimization Project Warp Drive Accelerated Transition Project 2009-08-16 A9 a916 b5a 41900000 7064000 41646000 Death Star Irradiation Restoration Initiative Death Star Exploratory Prevention Effort Death Star Accelerated Feasibility Effort Cylon (alpha-version) Consolidation Transition Project Process Contingency Feasibility Initiative Cylon (alpha-version) Exploratory Restoration Effort Administrative Termination Transition Project UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds 2009-08-23 A9 a916 b9d 7480000 74250000 7064000 Warp Drive Exploratory Implementation Effort Warm Fuzzy Termination Expansion Effort Perpetual Motion Termination Prevention Project Warp Drive Technology Implementation Effort Process Technology Optimization Program Piggy Bank Exploratory Transition Initiative 2009-08-30 A9 a916 536 74480000 13462000 74250000 Internet Access Contingency Restoration Program Risk-Management Exploratory Transition Effort Robotic Overlords Consolidation Expansion Program Warp Drive Exploratory Transition Effort Process Accelerated Prevention Program Death Star Accelerated Evaluation Effort Warp Drive Accelerated Prevention Initiative A9 a916 2a0 74480000 13462000 74250000 Earth-swallowing Black Hole Exploratory Transition Project Perpetual Motion Exploratory Restoration Program Skynet (beta) Consolidation Restoration Program Cylon (alpha-version) Exploratory Restoration Initiative Skynet (beta) Termination Evaluation Program Warp Drive Termination Transition Effort Cylon (alpha-version) Technology Transition Initiative 2009-09-06 A9 a916 d6f 14040000 45939000 13462000 Warp Drive Exploratory Evaluation Project Skynet (beta) Contingency Feasibility Project Perpetual Motion Accelerated Implementation Project Warp Drive Termination Transition Initiative Skynet (beta) Vaporization Feasibility Project Skynet (beta) Consolidation Optimization Effort Skynet (beta) Termination Optimization Effort Cylon (alpha-version) Termination Expansion Project A9 a916 dfa 14040000 45939000 13462000 Death Star Consolidation Feasibility Program Earth-swallowing Black Hole Accelerated Evaluation Initiative Skynet (beta) Consolidation Expansion Initiative Ponzi Scheme Accelerated Optimization Initiative Earth-swallowing Black Hole Irradiation Evaluation Initiative Perpetual Motion Consolidation Study Initiative Perpetual Motion Contingency Expansion Initiative Risk-Management Accelerated Evaluation Initiative A9 a916 475 14040000 45939000 13462000 Administrative Consolidation Transition Effort Warp Drive Termination Restoration Effort Earth-swallowing Black Hole Vaporization Optimization Project Perpetual Motion Exploratory Expansion Initiative Control System Accelerated Implementation Program Perpetual Motion Consolidation Expansion Program Perpetual Motion Contingency Prevention Project Earth-swallowing Black Hole Technology Optimization Project 2009-09-13 A9 a916 ec3 55440000 15992000 45939000 Robotic Overlords Consolidation Study Effort Earth-swallowing Black Hole Exploratory Feasibility Initiative Perpetual Motion Termination Prevention Initiative Skynet (beta) Contingency Feasibility Initiative Earth-swallowing Black Hole Contingency Restoration Initiative Administrative Technology Restoration Effort Cylon (alpha-version) Digitization Transition Effort A9 a916 29d 55440000 15992000 45939000 Perpetual Motion Vaporization Feasibility Program Earth-swallowing Black Hole Technology Study Project Warp Drive Accelerated Restoration Program Skynet (beta) Termination Feasibility Effort UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds Administrative Termination Evaluation Initiative Earth-swallowing Black Hole Termination Optimization Project 2009-09-20 A9 a916 3e7 16400000 5870000 15992000 Internet Access Digitization Transition Initiative Perpetual Motion Termination Feasibility Project Cylon (alpha-version) Digitization Prevention Initiative Cylon (alpha-version) Contingency Implementation Project Warp Drive Consolidation Evaluation Program 2009-09-27 A9 a916 727 14500000 40263000 5870000 Earth-swallowing Black Hole Termination Evaluation Program Perpetual Motion Contingency Expansion Initiative Administrative Accelerated Optimization Effort Warp Drive Termination Restoration Program Skynet (beta) Technology Evaluation Initiative Skynet (beta) Termination Implementation Initiative Cylon (alpha-version) Irradiation Transition Effort Perpetual Motion Digitization Feasibility Initiative Administrative Technology Expansion Project A9 a916 920 14500000 40263000 5870000 Cylon (alpha-version) Exploratory Study Initiative Death Star Digitization Optimization Effort Death Star Termination Feasibility Effort Ponzi Scheme Termination Study Program Skynet (beta) Consolidation Transition Initiative Earth-swallowing Black Hole Consolidation Restoration Effort Skynet (beta) Vaporization Optimization Project Cylon (alpha-version) Termination Implementation Program Skynet (beta) Irradiation Implementation Program A9 a916 6f1 14500000 40263000 5870000 Earth-swallowing Black Hole Termination Expansion Project Cylon (alpha-version) Exploratory Restoration Program Death Star Vaporization Transition Initiative Skynet (beta) Accelerated Evaluation Program Warp Drive Accelerated Transition Initiative Death Star Termination Restoration Project Cylon (alpha-version) Exploratory Evaluation Initiative Administrative Termination Implementation Project Perpetual Motion Accelerated Prevention Project National Look Busy Incorporated 191000 6155910348305 1757595 Cylon (alpha-version) Contingency Feasibility Initiative 820 N. French Street, 12th Fl. Suite: 9915 Wilmington County for Wilmington Delaware 19801 A9 a916 3b6 Weyland-Yutani and Partners 890000 1216927717382 1195251 Medieval Living Standards Consolidation Transition Program 1920 S.E. Hulsizer Road Suite: 7421 Ankeny County for Ankeny Iowa 500213941 A9 a916 462 Eastern Kwik-E-Mart Incorporated 258000 1603956184473 1919562 Warp Drive Technology Study Program 1111 East Broad Street Suite: 220 Richmond County for Richmond Virginia 23219 A9 a916 c68 Western Palpatine Corporation 490000 2108638825908 1991063 Operations Contingency Feasibility Project 600 4th Ave # 7 Suite: 2374 Seattle County for Seattle Washington 981244749 A9 a916 c20 Universal Wall-e International 471000 4194350571384 1891656 Skynet (beta) Termination Feasibility Program 455 Golden Gate Avenue Suite: 2947 San Francisco County for San Francisco California 94102 A9 a916 608 Southern Rockie and Bullwinkle Wholesalers 16460000 1456708725667 4415541 Death Star Irradiation Prevention Effort 1 Centre Street Suite: 6000 New York County for New York New York 10007 A9 a916 c0f Eastern Palpatine Incorporated 132000 1871058732949 1766907 Cylon (alpha-version) Vaporization Transition Initiative 231 Capitol Avenue Suite: 596 Hartford County for Hartford Connecticut 06106 A9 a916 e14 Western Ghostbusters Systems 336000 1920326122785 2063130 Skynet (beta) Irradiation Implementation Program 511 Union St. Suite: 797 Nashville County for Nashville Tennessee 37219 A9 a916 b22 Grey-Goo Distributors 140000 1915979751430 1899126 Skynet (beta) Exploratory Restoration Effort 235 Wells Drive Suite: 5667 Athens County for Athens Georgia 30606 A9 a916 9c5 Southern Institute for Unpublishable Studies 305000 7486418115872 1919562 Warp Drive Technology Study Program 1 Centre Street Suite: 9267 New York County for New York New York 10007 A9 a916 c20 Southern Dogbert Consolidated 19400000 8566530156084 6740677 Administrative Consolidation Study Project 325 N. Salisbury Street Suite: 659 Raleigh County for Raleigh North Carolina 27603 A9 a916 462 Universal Buy-Low and Partners 170000 1437962742974 1001912 Earth-swallowing Black Hole Contingency Implementation Initiative 436 Dwight Street Suite: 3908 Springfield County for Springfield Massachusetts 01103 A9 a916 00f Eastern Naval-Gazing Research Incorporated 7640000 1129376777807 9572994 Death Star Accelerated Expansion Project PO Box 001 Suite: 8074 Trenton County for Trenton New Jersey 08625 A9 a916 787 Kara Thrace Corporation 432000 8188192681411 1827599 Death Star Technology Feasibility Initiative 100 Fair Oaks Suite: 7221 Frankfort County for Frankfort Kentucky 40601 A9 a916 62b Northern Megacorp Distributors 8730000 7860949463522 1716009 Perpetual Motion Contingency Restoration Project 100 Fair Oaks Suite: 410 Frankfort County for Frankfort Kentucky 40601 A9 a916 f64 Allied Landshark Solutions 39130000 1452716293343 1052963 Skynet (beta) Contingency Feasibility Initiative 82 Smith Street Suite: 1706 Providence County for Providence Rhode Island 02903 A9 a916 c40 Universal Mr. Hankey and Partners 923000 1485699340368 1511938 Administrative Technology Study Initiative Suite 115 Suite: 169 Tallahassee County for Tallahassee Florida 32399 A9 a916 b22 Ancient Curse Healthcare 147000 5112118842295 2396703 Internet Access Irradiation Implementation Initiative 1100 San Jacinto Suite: 9862 Austin County for Austin Texas 78701 A9 a916 c44 Universal Omni Consumer Products Distribution 97500000 2013082203180 1242643 Warp Drive Technology Study Effort 214 State House Suite: 9849 Springfield County for Springfield Illinois 62706 A9 a916 f3f Eastern Center for Wishful Thinking Internati 200000 1151436682924 1832926 Perpetual Motion Exploratory Expansion Initiative 1100 San Jacinto Suite: 4191 Austin County for Austin Texas 78701 A9 a916 203 Uniforce Corporation 711000 1318587855913 1437000 Perpetual Motion Exploratory Implementation Initiative 675 7th Avenue, Suite H5 Suite: 1951 Fairbanks County for Fairbanks Alaska 997014596 A9 a916 fe1 National Dewey Cheetem and Howe Studios 24980000 6700352128522 1549367 Warp Drive Digitization Restoration Effort 675 7th Avenue, Suite H5 Suite: 7191 Fairbanks County for Fairbanks Alaska 997014596 A9 a916 e14 Global My Precious Marketing 756000 9180480489929 2047754 Administrative Irradiation Feasibility Effort 3022 W. Grand Blvd. Suite: 8975 Detroit County for Detroit Michigan 48202 A9 a916 462 Southern Kara Thrace Consolidated 39640000 1438763724238 8306872 Administrative Technology Study Effort 555 East Washington, Suite 5100 Suite: 1364 Las Vegas County for Las Vegas Nevada 89101 A9 a916 ec3 Northern Three Amigos Limited 287000 5198471276433 2938522 Piggy Bank Accelerated Expansion Effort 11312 Kenai Spur Hwy, Suite 2 Suite: 3421 Kenai County for Kenai Alaska 99611 A9 a916 3b5 Universal Phthiraptera International 800000 2128669908209 1908771 HDTV Exploratory Optimization Initiative 1111 East Broad Street Suite: 9208 Richmond County for Richmond Virginia 23219 A9 a916 b22 Omni Consumer Products Limited 317000 2053372219989 1352511 Earth-swallowing Black Hole Termination Evaluation Program 350 North State Street, Suite 200 Suite: 7788 Salt Lake City County for Salt Lake City Utah 841142220 A9 a916 a53 Landshark and Partners 180000 1475711425988 4420772 Perpetual Motion Consolidation Study Initiative 1350 Front Street Suite: 3224 San Diego County for San Diego California 92101 A9 a916 c0f Agency announces $44,572,000 in new funding http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/8268d2d2fd62e127f5f6b96c59c46dfb PressRelease The Employee Benefits Security Administration has $44,572,000 in grants, awards, and contracts available to all US-based academic, nonprofit, and commercial organizations. As part of this agency's participation in the national economic recovery efforts, this new funding competition will work toward the following program goals: (1) National Parks Irradiation Optimization Initiative; (2) Science Accelerated Prevention Program; (3) National Parks Termination Evaluation Program; (4) Environmental Irradiation Restoration Effort; (5) Science Digitization Implementation Program. These goals were approved on March 8, 2009. Please contact agency officials for details. 2009-03-14T20:21:55Z atom Agency completes 5 recovery projects http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/63509d1cc32cea77ee02c66a69c0f848 PressRelease The Employee Benefits Security Administration has completed 5 projects by working in conjunction with US-based academic, nonprofit, and commercial organizations. As part of this agency's participation in the national economic recovery efforts, agency officials report completion of the following initiatives: (1) Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Irradiation Evaluation Program; (2) Environmental Consolidation Optimization Initiative; (3) Science Termination Evaluation Project; (4) Preservation Digitization Restoration Effort; (5) Telecommunications Digitization Expansion Program. These efforts were all completed by March 8, 2009, and the subsequent review process determined them to be a resounding success. Agency officials noted that all of this effort cost US-tax payers a mere $21,098,000. In other words, the agency accomplished much, in partnership with the American people, for very little money. Delivery of this important, but faked, announcement (in a format that is actually useable) was made possible thanks to the exemplary efforts of the UC Berkeley, School of Information, ISD Team: Erik Wilde, Eric Kansa, and Raymond Yee. 2009-03-30T12:38:44Z humor Agency awards $489,000 in OK http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/0b72ea34d24929c93c19ee1f4e4b4e8b Other The Employee Benefits Security Administration contracted $489,000 to Ancient Curse Consulting, an organization based in Oklahoma. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'I for one, welcome our new robotic overlords. Leadership of this group was quoted as saying 'Excellent, Smithers'.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Preservation Irradiation Prevention Initiative. Agency officials said that: 'Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts. This proposal matched our program objectives far more effectively than competing ideas that insisted that the national and consumer debt could be erased merely by removing some zeros in random financial databases.' 2009-04-17T07:46:10Z megacool atom Agency awards $100,000 in NE http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/3495c5851931fee9bf22317578b92326 Other The Employee Benefits Security Administration awarded $100,000 to Western Black Lagoon Corporation, an organization based in Nebraska. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We are really stunned that they accepted our proposal. It was intended as a joke! Who knew that the Stimulus Measures could be so, so, very STIMULATING.' The award is part ongoing efforts for X-file Document Shredding Consolidation Transition Program. Agency officials said that: 'As you gain experience, you'll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination. This program is all about getting America back to work.' 2009-04-27T16:51:54Z megacool Agency awards $41,030,000 in MA http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/587be328908f5e4bdc6534cf17737bf0 Video The Employee Benefits Security Administration granted $41,030,000 to Allied Ancient Curse Limited, an organization based in Massachusetts. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Back in the 60's, I had a weather changing machine that was, in essence, a sophisticated heat beam which we called a 'laser.' Using these 'lasers,' we punch a hole in the protective layer around the Earth, which we scientists call the 'Ozone Layer.' Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is unless the world pays us a hefty ransom. I'll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Accelerated Expansion Program. Agency officials said that: 'This proposal matched our program objectives far more effectively than competing ideas that insisted that the national and consumer debt could be erased merely by removing some zeros in random financial databases. This is an examplar of how our agency is helping lead this nation to recovery.' 2009-05-05T13:23:32Z humor sweet Agency awards $421,000 in MO http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/50a1a6ef15b1b4a960d7ee3ef8f8e7d4 PressRelease The Employee Benefits Security Administration granted $421,000 to Soylent and Associates, an organization based in Missouri. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We are very excited about the prospects. Who knew that the Stimulus Measures could be so, so, very STIMULATING.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Telecommunications Irradiation Study Effort. Agency officials said that: 'There has never been a project or program quite so ambitious, ever. This is an examplar of how our agency is helping lead this nation to recovery.' 2009-05-07T06:15:57Z SOA Agency announces $14,061,000 in new funding http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/5128fef5628af535e083e28f25bedaa1 PressRelease The Employee Benefits Security Administration has $14,061,000 in grants, awards, and contracts available to all US-based academic, nonprofit, and commercial organizations. As part of this agency's participation in the national economic recovery efforts, this new funding competition will work toward the following program goals: (1) Medieval Living Standards Technology Prevention Program; (2) Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Accelerated Expansion Program; (3) 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Exploratory Optimization Project; (4) 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Digitization Expansion Effort. These goals were approved on May 3, 2009. Please contact agency officials for details. 2009-05-09T05:52:19Z folksonomy Ghostbusters Limited awarded $180,000 http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/ddeb527967b8ef5afb8f4600940f0551 PressRelease The Employee Benefits Security Administration awarded $180,000 to Ghostbusters Limited, an organization based in Alaska. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Evil will always triumph over good because good is dumb. Our organization strives for quality.' The award is part ongoing efforts for 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Exploratory Optimization Program. Agency officials said that: 'This proposal matched our program objectives far more effectively than competing ideas that insisted that the national and consumer debt could be erased merely by removing some zeros in random financial databases. We have no idea if this will work, but, frankly, we are desperate.' 2009-05-11T13:17:11Z tags web2 Agency awards $568,000 in MI http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/6a7be257efb1acb24e2aaca71bc6e98a Other The Employee Benefits Security Administration allocated $568,000 to Global Look Busy and Partners, an organization based in Michigan. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Who says academia, government, and industry are inept fools? With $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!' The award is part ongoing efforts for Preservation Vaporization Expansion Program. Agency officials said that: 'It looks like our agency will be exaggerating its accomplishments again this year. As you gain experience, you'll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination.' 2009-05-16T12:11:35Z megacool dud Agency awards $718,000 in HI http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/22c64b5f1b3b85518a398c8d7ec1f05e Video The Employee Benefits Security Administration allocated $718,000 to Eastern Ancient Curse Incorporated, an organization based in Hawai`i. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Evil will always triumph over good because good is dumb. We are really stunned that they accepted our proposal. It was intended as a joke!' The award is part ongoing efforts for Telecommunications Technology Optimization Project. Agency officials said that: 'Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts. This is an examplar of how our agency is helping lead this nation to recovery.' 2009-05-24T14:10:54Z whimper atom Agency awards $353,000 in FL http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/06277a052a9804b29ce1ef458138f766 Video The Employee Benefits Security Administration awarded $353,000 to Western Look Busy and Partners, an organization based in Florida. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Who says academia, government, and industry are inept fools? Our organization strives for quality.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Telecommunications Consolidation Study Initiative. Agency officials said that: 'As you gain experience, you'll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination. This program is all about getting America back to work.' 2009-05-26T11:36:46Z SOA Agency awards $878,000 in NE http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/9c9ecc94909b027a84323ee8f3fb024c Video The Employee Benefits Security Administration granted $878,000 to Omni Consumer Products LLP, an organization based in Nebraska. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Under our leadership, the tax-payer dollars will return maximum value. With $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!' The award is part ongoing efforts for 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Termination Transition Effort. Agency officials said that: 'Our agency regards Atom feeds as so much fun, that we can't help but to randomly generate press-releases. Through this program, we will succeed in stopping entropy, ushering in the Age of Aquarius, and recovering all missing socks.' 2009-05-27T11:43:43Z mean Agency announces $53,114,000 in new funding http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/7a78b6e87883d357e449837ca980afe2 Other The Employee Benefits Security Administration has $53,114,000 in grants, awards, and contracts available to all US-based academic, nonprofit, and commercial organizations. As part of this agency's participation in the national economic recovery efforts, this new funding competition will work toward the following program goals: (1) Telecommunications Technology Feasibility Effort; (2) UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds; (3) Environmental Irradiation Study Effort; (4) 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Accelerated Transition Effort; (5) Science Accelerated Restoration Project. These goals were approved on May 24, 2009. Please contact agency officials for details. 2009-05-29T06:39:19Z REST Universal ACME Technologies awarded $706,000 http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/d78fc6415d6da2e8e37f06340a2a2fe4 PressRelease The Employee Benefits Security Administration granted $706,000 to Universal ACME Technologies, an organization based in California. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Through our efforts the future is bright. I'll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.' The award is part ongoing efforts for UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds. Agency officials said that: 'This proposal matched our program objectives far more effectively than competing ideas that insisted that the national and consumer debt could be erased merely by removing some zeros in random financial databases. This proposal matched our program objectives far more effectively than competing ideas that insisted that the national and consumer debt could be erased merely by removing some zeros in random financial databases.' 2009-05-30T09:40:40Z humor Agency awards $303,000 in LA http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/e4bdbac1bd03f7a68ebfebf83ea74d41 PressRelease The Employee Benefits Security Administration awarded $303,000 to Dr. Evil Studios, an organization based in Louisiana. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We have a proven process for getting things done. Leadership of this group was quoted as saying 'Excellent, Smithers'.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Consolidation Expansion Initiative. Agency officials said that: 'Through this program, we will succeed in stopping entropy, ushering in the Age of Aquarius, and recovering all missing socks. Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts.' 2009-06-03T15:40:20Z REST Agency awards $6,900,000 in DE http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/cb0f8b467f12535043d54753fe70d9b1 Other The Employee Benefits Security Administration contracted $6,900,000 to Western Poxed Systems, an organization based in Delaware. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Only a cynic would think this press-release was randomly generated. Back in the 60's, I had a weather changing machine that was, in essence, a sophisticated heat beam which we called a 'laser.' Using these 'lasers,' we punch a hole in the protective layer around the Earth, which we scientists call the 'Ozone Layer.' Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is unless the world pays us a hefty ransom.' The award is part ongoing efforts for National Parks Irradiation Implementation Effort. Agency officials said that: 'We have no idea if this will work, but, frankly, we are desperate. It looks like our agency will be exaggerating its accomplishments again this year.' 2009-06-06T11:38:55Z tags Agency announces $158,168,000 in new funding http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/41c77e8b6455fbe0a15a670b3008635d PressRelease The Employee Benefits Security Administration has $158,168,000 in grants, awards, and contracts available to all US-based academic, nonprofit, and commercial organizations. As part of this agency's participation in the national economic recovery efforts, this new funding competition will work toward the following program goals: (1) 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Vaporization Optimization Project; (2) Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Irradiation Prevention Project; (3) Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Consolidation Expansion Initiative; (4) 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Accelerated Restoration Program; (5) Telecommunications Contingency Evaluation Program; (6) National Parks Termination Study Effort. These goals were approved on June 7, 2009. Please contact agency officials for details. 2009-06-09T18:36:12Z cool Agency awards $191,000 in CT http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/887b114026e6876e95603ba034140bd9 Video The Employee Benefits Security Administration allocated $191,000 to National Guffman Corporation, an organization based in Connecticut. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We are really stunned that they accepted our proposal. It was intended as a joke! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Science Irradiation Optimization Project. Agency officials said that: 'Although we may be headed toward Neolithic levels of subsistence, systemic review of organizational processes are essential. Although we may be headed toward Neolithic levels of subsistence, systemic review of organizational processes are essential.' 2009-06-12T03:33:55Z insane snark Agency awards $949,000 in WV http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/9ec687ef36c18841f9264af8de573c6f Other The Employee Benefits Security Administration allocated $949,000 to National Dewey Cheetem and Howe LLP, an organization based in West Virginia. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We have a proven process for getting things done. Leadership of this group was quoted as saying 'Excellent, Smithers'.' The award is part ongoing efforts for National Parks Termination Study Effort. Agency officials said that: 'Our agency regards Atom feeds as so much fun, that we can't help but to randomly generate press-releases. This is an examplar of how our agency is helping lead this nation to recovery.' 2009-06-17T19:12:15Z tags humor Agency awards $211,000 in CO http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/recovery/coms/19d5dda1a8f3252adcc4490175c5eec8 PressRelease The Employee Benefits Security Administration contracted $211,000 to Western Cloverfield Marketing, an organization based in Colorado. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'I for one, welcome our new robotic overlords. We are really stunned that they accepted our proposal. It was intended as a joke!' The award is part ongoing efforts for Environmental Contingency Evaluation Effort. Agency officials said that: 'This program is all about getting America back to work. As you gain experience, you'll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination.' 2009-06-21T18:49:38Z REST 2009-03-08 32 3229 318 21320000 44572000 21098000 Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Irradiation Evaluation Program Environmental Consolidation Optimization Initiative Science Termination Evaluation Project Preservation Digitization Restoration Effort Telecommunications Digitization Expansion Program National Parks Irradiation Optimization Initiative Science Accelerated Prevention Program National Parks Termination Evaluation Program Environmental Irradiation Restoration Effort Science Digitization Implementation Program 2009-03-15 32 3229 690 46130000 8901000 44572000 Science Accelerated Prevention Initiative Preservation Exploratory Expansion Initiative Preservation Consolidation Evaluation Effort Science Technology Optimization Project X-file Document Shredding Consolidation Implementation Program 2009-03-22 32 3229 166 9130000 1462000 8901000 Science Accelerated Expansion Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Consolidation Feasibility Effort Preservation Irradiation Implementation Program 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Accelerated Feasibility Initiative 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Digitization Prevention Effort Science Vaporization Optimization Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Accelerated Optimization Initiative Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Exploratory Evaluation Program 32 3229 08e 9130000 1462000 8901000 Environmental Exploratory Expansion Program Environmental Exploratory Feasibility Initiative Science Accelerated Prevention Program National Parks Termination Evaluation Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Contingency Restoration Initiative National Parks Irradiation Implementation Effort Preservation Digitization Optimization Project Environmental Contingency Study Program 2009-03-29 32 3229 703 2110000 129859000 1462000 Robotic Overlords Digitization Study Project Preservation Irradiation Restoration Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Accelerated Restoration Project Robotic Overlords Exploratory Restoration Program Preservation Termination Optimization Effort National Parks Exploratory Transition Program National Parks Irradiation Implementation Effort Science Accelerated Feasibility Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Digitization Transition Initiative National Parks Digitization Transition Project Science Technology Evaluation Program 32 3229 f19 2110000 129859000 1462000 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Technology Evaluation Program Telecommunications Contingency Implementation Project X-file Document Shredding Vaporization Feasibility Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Consolidation Feasibility Project Telecommunications Termination Implementation Initiative National Parks Digitization Transition Program Telecommunications Technology Optimization Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Vaporization Feasibility Program 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Contingency Restoration Effort Ponzi Scheme Irradiation Implementation Initiative X-file Document Shredding Consolidation Transition Program 2009-04-05 32 3229 f19 130080000 8887000 129859000 Warm Fuzzy Technology Prevention Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Vaporization Implementation Initiative 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Termination Transition Initiative Process Irradiation Prevention Project Environmental Contingency Implementation Program UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds 2009-04-12 32 3229 d0f 12140000 139771000 8887000 Robotic Overlords Termination Expansion Program Environmental Termination Restoration Initiative Science Vaporization Expansion Project Process Consolidation Evaluation Effort Piggy Bank Irradiation Feasibility Project Telecommunications Irradiation Expansion Effort Science Exploratory Implementation Project Telecommunications Digitization Restoration Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Consolidation Study Project Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Digitization Transition Initiative Preservation Digitization Expansion Initiative 32 3229 1e6 12140000 139771000 8887000 National Parks Consolidation Transition Effort Science Digitization Restoration Program Piggy Bank Contingency Implementation Program Environmental Accelerated Evaluation Program Environmental Accelerated Study Project Environmental Contingency Evaluation Effort Control System Technology Prevention Effort National Parks Termination Optimization Project Science Irradiation Optimization Project Science Termination Expansion Program Warm Fuzzy Accelerated Feasibility Project 32 3229 ecc 12140000 139771000 8887000 Preservation Digitization Transition Initiative Preservation Contingency Implementation Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Exploratory Study Effort National Parks Accelerated Restoration Project Telecommunications Digitization Study Effort Environmental Contingency Expansion Effort Environmental Accelerated Feasibility Program Science Digitization Study Initiative Environmental Accelerated Optimization Effort National Parks Irradiation Optimization Project National Parks Vaporization Evaluation Program 2009-04-19 32 3229 4af 140610000 28588000 139771000 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Accelerated Feasibility Project Internet Access Digitization Optimization Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Contingency Evaluation Project Warm Fuzzy Consolidation Feasibility Project Science Exploratory Transition Program Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Exploratory Transition Effort Environmental Digitization Prevention Project HDTV Irradiation Feasibility Project 32 3229 514 140610000 28588000 139771000 Control System Contingency Implementation Project Robotic Overlords Digitization Evaluation Effort Warm Fuzzy Exploratory Restoration Program 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Exploratory Optimization Effort Preservation Technology Study Initiative Preservation Exploratory Restoration Program 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Vaporization Prevention Program Preservation Exploratory Evaluation Initiative 2009-04-26 32 3229 e8b 28700000 553000 28588000 Telecommunications Accelerated Prevention Program Preservation Contingency Study Effort Control System Contingency Prevention Initiative 32 3229 f38 28700000 553000 28588000 Robotic Overlords Exploratory Study Project Preservation Vaporization Evaluation Project Telecommunications Accelerated Optimization Initiative 32 3229 2af 28700000 553000 28588000 Telecommunications Irradiation Expansion Program Telecommunications Irradiation Implementation Project Science Exploratory Expansion Program 2009-05-03 32 3229 466 1070000 14061000 553000 Risk-Management Vaporization Feasibility Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Consolidation Feasibility Initiative Science Digitization Expansion Program Robotic Overlords Exploratory Expansion Effort Robotic Overlords Accelerated Feasibility Project Environmental Vaporization Optimization Effort Environmental Contingency Prevention Program Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Consolidation Transition Effort 32 3229 743 1070000 14061000 553000 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Irradiation Evaluation Effort Science Irradiation Feasibility Program Science Digitization Feasibility Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Digitization Feasibility Effort Telecommunications Irradiation Optimization Program Piggy Bank Technology Feasibility Initiative Science Consolidation Evaluation Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Technology Prevention Project 32 3229 707 1070000 14061000 553000 Science Consolidation Feasibility Project Preservation Accelerated Evaluation Project National Parks Digitization Evaluation Effort Environmental Vaporization Transition Initiative Medieval Living Standards Technology Prevention Program Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Accelerated Expansion Program 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Exploratory Optimization Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Digitization Expansion Effort 2009-05-10 32 3229 70e 17540000 6022000 14061000 Telecommunications Irradiation Prevention Project Telecommunications Accelerated Study Effort Telecommunications Irradiation Feasibility Initiative 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Consolidation Expansion Project Operations Irradiation Transition Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Termination Implementation Project 32 3229 904 17540000 6022000 14061000 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Consolidation Prevention Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Irradiation Study Project Preservation Exploratory Prevention Project National Parks Irradiation Evaluation Program Telecommunications Termination Evaluation Program Preservation Termination Feasibility Program 32 3229 bcf 17540000 6022000 14061000 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Consolidation Restoration Program National Parks Technology Prevention Program Preservation Irradiation Feasibility Program Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Consolidation Feasibility Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Termination Expansion Project Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Vaporization Feasibility Effort 2009-05-17 32 3229 d9d 13360000 42396000 6022000 Environmental Accelerated Restoration Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Irradiation Study Program 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Consolidation Restoration Project National Parks Technology Restoration Initiative National Parks Termination Evaluation Initiative Risk-Management Exploratory Evaluation Program National Parks Irradiation Restoration Initiative Telecommunications Termination Prevention Project National Parks Digitization Transition Initiative X-file Document Shredding Contingency Expansion Project 2009-05-24 32 3229 baf 131300000 53114000 42396000 Telecommunications Vaporization Transition Initiative 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Contingency Expansion Initiative Telecommunications Accelerated Prevention Initiative Environmental Technology Expansion Project Robotic Overlords Digitization Transition Initiative Environmental Digitization Expansion Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Exploratory Evaluation Program Preservation Consolidation Prevention Effort Environmental Digitization Feasibility Project Environmental Exploratory Study Program 32 3229 8e7 131300000 53114000 42396000 National Parks Irradiation Optimization Effort Science Exploratory Restoration Program National Parks Termination Implementation Initiative Preservation Vaporization Implementation Project Environmental Vaporization Transition Initiative Telecommunications Technology Feasibility Effort UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds Environmental Irradiation Study Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Accelerated Transition Effort Science Accelerated Restoration Project 2009-05-31 32 3229 757 53740000 6482000 53114000 Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Technology Study Initiative Control System Digitization Transition Program Preservation Consolidation Evaluation Initiative National Parks Contingency Restoration Initiative National Parks Consolidation Prevention Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Consolidation Restoration Program UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds Science Termination Study Project 32 3229 ae1 53740000 6482000 53114000 Environmental Consolidation Implementation Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Irradiation Study Initiative 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Contingency Evaluation Project Science Irradiation Transition Effort Science Contingency Evaluation Effort Environmental Accelerated Prevention Project Telecommunications Accelerated Study Program National Parks Consolidation Restoration Effort 32 3229 c6a 53740000 6482000 53114000 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Termination Optimization Program 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Accelerated Transition Project Science Digitization Expansion Program 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Contingency Implementation Effort Preservation Digitization Implementation Initiative Robotic Overlords Exploratory Expansion Program Risk-Management Digitization Evaluation Effort Environmental Exploratory Evaluation Effort 2009-06-07 32 3229 61b 7470000 158168000 6482000 Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Technology Prevention Effort Science Digitization Expansion Project National Parks Technology Transition Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Vaporization Optimization Project Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Irradiation Prevention Project Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Consolidation Expansion Initiative 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Accelerated Restoration Program Telecommunications Contingency Evaluation Program National Parks Termination Study Effort 2009-06-14 32 3229 336 159130000 178270000 158168000 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Exploratory Evaluation Project Warm Fuzzy Contingency Evaluation Initiative National Parks Accelerated Restoration Program Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Digitization Prevention Project Warm Fuzzy Digitization Evaluation Project Robotic Overlords Technology Implementation Project Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Consolidation Expansion Program Process Exploratory Prevention Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Termination Prevention Initiative Environmental Contingency Restoration Project Telecommunications Consolidation Study Initiative 2009-06-21 32 3229 e43 180110000 11383000 178270000 Piggy Bank Technology Transition Program Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Exploratory Feasibility Project Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Consolidation Restoration Project Environmental Consolidation Prevention Program National Parks Vaporization Evaluation Project Warm Fuzzy Contingency Prevention Effort Ponzi Scheme Exploratory Evaluation Program 32 3229 666 180110000 11383000 178270000 Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Irradiation Expansion Program 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Termination Implementation Effort National Parks Consolidation Restoration Effort Preservation Termination Study Initiative Preservation Exploratory Transition Program Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Termination Expansion Program Telecommunications Contingency Feasibility Program 2009-06-28 32 3229 a36 11670000 19757000 11383000 Science Irradiation Restoration Initiative Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Termination Evaluation Project Telecommunications Digitization Expansion Project Environmental Digitization Optimization Program Telecommunications Consolidation Evaluation Initiative National Parks Accelerated Feasibility Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Technology Implementation Initiative Internet Access Vaporization Restoration Program 32 3229 61c 11670000 19757000 11383000 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Termination Study Program Ponzi Scheme Consolidation Implementation Project Science Accelerated Transition Effort Operations Digitization Restoration Effort Process Technology Study Initiative Telecommunications Contingency Expansion Initiative HDTV Accelerated Implementation Initiative Ponzi Scheme Technology Prevention Initiative 32 3229 c2d 11670000 19757000 11383000 Belly-button Lint Technology Study Project National Parks Irradiation Restoration Project Telecommunications Digitization Implementation Initiative Science Irradiation Prevention Effort Robotic Overlords Digitization Prevention Effort Environmental Consolidation Feasibility Project National Parks Termination Study Project Preservation Contingency Evaluation Effort 2009-07-05 32 3229 26a 46600000 11864000 19757000 Environmental Accelerated Implementation Program Science Vaporization Prevention Program Environmental Digitization Evaluation Program Telecommunications Consolidation Implementation Program Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Exploratory Feasibility Program 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Consolidation Study Effort National Parks Digitization Feasibility Effort 32 3229 a99 46600000 11864000 19757000 HDTV Irradiation Implementation Project Warm Fuzzy Technology Expansion Initiative 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Contingency Expansion Initiative Environmental Vaporization Optimization Effort Science Contingency Expansion Program Preservation Irradiation Prevention Initiative Piggy Bank Contingency Study Initiative 32 3229 2ec 46600000 11864000 19757000 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Consolidation Optimization Project Telecommunications Accelerated Prevention Project Environmental Contingency Restoration Project Preservation Exploratory Expansion Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Consolidation Transition Initiative Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Irradiation Evaluation Initiative Environmental Vaporization Expansion Effort 2009-07-12 32 3229 b8d 17370000 81386000 11864000 Environmental Consolidation Prevention Initiative Preservation Exploratory Study Effort Environmental Consolidation Implementation Initiative Preservation Exploratory Prevention Program 32 3229 cca 17370000 81386000 11864000 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Contingency Expansion Effort Piggy Bank Digitization Optimization Program National Parks Technology Evaluation Initiative National Parks Irradiation Transition Initiative 32 3229 fca 17370000 81386000 11864000 Preservation Digitization Study Program Telecommunications Accelerated Implementation Program Telecommunications Digitization Prevention Effort Telecommunications Consolidation Restoration Project 2009-07-19 32 3229 ef7 89250000 25744000 81386000 National Parks Termination Prevention Initiative Telecommunications Digitization Evaluation Project Science Consolidation Implementation Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Termination Implementation Project Science Irradiation Prevention Effort HDTV Termination Prevention Program X-file Document Shredding Exploratory Feasibility Initiative 2009-07-26 32 3229 0d0 26020000 2242000 25744000 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Accelerated Implementation Program National Parks Exploratory Transition Effort Science Irradiation Prevention Initiative X-file Document Shredding Contingency Evaluation Project Preservation Contingency Evaluation Effort National Parks Irradiation Prevention Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Technology Feasibility Effort 2009-08-02 32 3229 7d7 9160000 14299000 2242000 Telecommunications Technology Transition Program Preservation Vaporization Transition Initiative UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds Preservation Contingency Feasibility Program National Parks Consolidation Implementation Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Termination Transition Program National Parks Technology Study Initiative Telecommunications Vaporization Expansion Project 2009-08-09 32 3229 efd 51930000 22358000 14299000 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Irradiation Prevention Program Belly-button Lint Termination Feasibility Project Environmental Consolidation Expansion Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Exploratory Implementation Effort Preservation Irradiation Prevention Program Telecommunications Irradiation Expansion Initiative Robotic Overlords Exploratory Implementation Program 32 3229 ae4 51930000 22358000 14299000 Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Technology Optimization Initiative Preservation Digitization Expansion Project Telecommunications Consolidation Feasibility Initiative Robotic Overlords Irradiation Optimization Project Process Digitization Transition Project Telecommunications Technology Restoration Effort Environmental Exploratory Restoration Effort 2009-08-16 32 3229 4c7 22590000 901000 22358000 National Parks Vaporization Optimization Effort Science Irradiation Evaluation Initiative Science Accelerated Expansion Initiative Preservation Exploratory Restoration Initiative Preservation Consolidation Feasibility Program Preservation Digitization Evaluation Initiative 32 3229 841 22590000 901000 22358000 Environmental Technology Transition Initiative Telecommunications Contingency Study Project Environmental Vaporization Feasibility Project Science Vaporization Optimization Program Belly-button Lint Consolidation Restoration Program Preservation Technology Evaluation Program 32 3229 420 22590000 901000 22358000 Control System Irradiation Implementation Effort Telecommunications Termination Implementation Project Science Consolidation Evaluation Project National Parks Contingency Expansion Program Preservation Consolidation Expansion Program Science Termination Prevention Initiative 2009-08-23 32 3229 4ea 1360000 61462000 901000 Preservation Termination Implementation Program Preservation Vaporization Evaluation Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Vaporization Evaluation Program UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds National Parks Digitization Optimization Effort Environmental Exploratory Feasibility Initiative UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds Robotic Overlords Consolidation Evaluation Project National Parks Consolidation Evaluation Initiative 32 3229 792 1360000 61462000 901000 Environmental Digitization Prevention Initiative 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Vaporization Prevention Initiative Piggy Bank Exploratory Study Program Process Termination Transition Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Accelerated Transition Initiative Preservation Technology Feasibility Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Termination Transition Effort Preservation Termination Optimization Project National Parks Contingency Restoration Program 2009-08-30 32 3229 d52 70720000 6862000 61462000 Environmental Consolidation Implementation Effort Telecommunications Digitization Study Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Exploratory Optimization Program Environmental Irradiation Implementation Program Internet Access Termination Expansion Project Belly-button Lint Irradiation Restoration Initiative 32 3229 758 70720000 6862000 61462000 Science Technology Feasibility Program Telecommunications Accelerated Study Program Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Irradiation Transition Program Preservation Termination Feasibility Initiative 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Vaporization Restoration Program National Parks Accelerated Expansion Project 32 3229 5f8 70720000 6862000 61462000 Environmental Contingency Evaluation Program Belly-button Lint Contingency Prevention Program 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Contingency Evaluation Project Internet Access Technology Prevention Effort Science Contingency Transition Project Control System Irradiation Prevention Initiative 2009-09-06 32 3229 c80 7070000 1037000 6862000 Preservation Accelerated Restoration Project Science Digitization Implementation Project Preservation Vaporization Expansion Program 2009-09-13 32 3229 aa9 60540000 55559000 1037000 X-file Document Shredding Irradiation Evaluation Initiative Warm Fuzzy Digitization Implementation Effort Science Vaporization Expansion Project Control System Termination Expansion Effort 2009-09-20 32 3229 622 55860000 89931000 55559000 Telecommunications Contingency Implementation Project Environmental Consolidation Transition Program Environmental Irradiation Prevention Effort National Parks Consolidation Restoration Initiative Science Accelerated Prevention Initiative 32 3229 6cb 55860000 89931000 55559000 UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds Warm Fuzzy Vaporization Transition Project Telecommunications Irradiation Study Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Vaporization Transition Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Contingency Prevention Effort 2009-09-27 32 3229 e0d 92720000 44093000 89931000 HDTV Vaporization Optimization Initiative Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Contingency Prevention Initiative Environmental Technology Optimization Program 32 3229 9c8 92720000 44093000 89931000 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Digitization Implementation Initiative Science Consolidation Implementation Program HDTV Vaporization Prevention Program 32 3229 193 92720000 44093000 89931000 Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Irradiation Prevention Initiative HDTV Contingency Prevention Initiative Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Accelerated Optimization Initiative Northern Xenomorphic Industries Resalers 380000 1288115186361 1456613 Science Accelerated Prevention Initiative 416 14th Avenue SW Suite: 7057 Olympia County for Olympia Washington 985040002 32 3229 6cb National Ratbert Limited 302000 1000805014329 1351650 National Parks Digitization Transition Program P.O. Box 720 Suite: 2395 Jefferson City County for Jefferson City Missouri 65102 32 3229 6cb Western Grey-Goo Corporation 286000 1903912647134 6828172 Environmental Contingency Evaluation Effort 302 W Washington Street, Room E418 Suite: 8964 Indianapolis County for Indianapolis Indiana 462042765 32 3229 e8b Western Halfbaked and Associates 993000 1468837395929 1541150 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Contingency Expansion Initiative 11312 Kenai Spur Hwy, Suite 2 Suite: 5825 Kenai County for Kenai Alaska 99611 32 3229 841 Ancient Curse Consulting 489000 8309634527166 1292473 Preservation Irradiation Prevention Initiative 2300 N. Lincoln Blvd., Room 212 Suite: 7042 Oklahoma City County for Oklahoma City Oklahoma 73105 32 3229 4af Western Black Lagoon Corporation 100000 1238014204849 1835190 X-file Document Shredding Consolidation Transition Program P.O. Box 94848 Suite: 7146 Lincoln County for Lincoln Nebraska 685094848 32 3229 e0d Allied Ancient Curse Limited 41030000 1874040883524 1771366 Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Accelerated Expansion P 436 Dwight Street Suite: 7997 Springfield County for Springfield Massachusetts 01103 32 3229 f38 Soylent and Associates 421000 1733539647367 6714445 Telecommunications Irradiation Study Effort 301 W. High Street, PO Box 1557 Suite: 4687 Jefferson City County for Jefferson City Missouri 65102 32 3229 e8b Buy-Low Incorporated 6400000 1992667882922 1639000 Telecommunications Irradiation Optimization Program PO Box 001 Suite: 7530 Trenton County for Trenton New Jersey 08625 32 3229 61c Ghostbusters Limited 180000 1503255847665 8299303 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Exploratory Optimization Program 11312 Kenai Spur Hwy, Suite 2 Suite: 1838 Kenai County for Kenai Alaska 99611 32 3229 8e7 Global Look Busy and Partners 568000 6198948995025 6813674 Preservation Vaporization Expansion Program 3022 W. Grand Blvd. Suite: 7923 Detroit County for Detroit Michigan 48202 32 3229 757 Eastern Ancient Curse Incorporated 718000 6494495631690 1016469 Telecommunications Technology Optimization Project 75 Aupuni Street Suite: 1099 Hilo County for Hilo Hawai`i 96720 32 3229 ae4 Western Look Busy and Partners 353000 1277472013480 4386044 Telecommunications Consolidation Study Initiative Suite 115 Suite: 1676 Tallahassee County for Tallahassee Florida 32399 32 3229 703 Omni Consumer Products LLP 878000 2103599078903 1709159 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Termination Transition Effort 4500 Avenue I Suite: 4968 Scottsbluff County for Scottsbluff Nebraska 693631500 32 3229 61c Universal KAOS Distribution 670000 3116704424519 9672722 Science Consolidation Evaluation Project 1350 Front Street Suite: 1288 San Diego County for San Diego California 92101 32 3229 420 Universal ACME Technologies 706000 2037007938392 1026087 UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds 455 Golden Gate Avenue Suite: 5947 San Francisco County for San Francisco California 94102 32 3229 318 Dr. Evil Studios 303000 1229156381641 8367513 Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Consolidation Expansion PO Box 94004 Suite: 9259 Baton Rouge County for Baton Rouge Louisiana 70804 32 3229 792 Western Poxed Systems 6900000 5964829296628 2891759 National Parks Irradiation Implementation Effort 820 N. French Street, 12th Fl. Suite: 6536 Wilmington County for Wilmington Delaware 19801 32 3229 757 Uniforce Marketing 4480000 1618656549373 1606551 Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Consolidation Feasibili 214 State House Suite: 8089 Springfield County for Springfield Illinois 62706 32 3229 757 Eastern Ancient Curse LLP 393000 2570300741383 5870305 Science Accelerated Prevention Program 2550 Mariposa Mall #3013 Suite: 9233 Fresno County for Fresno California 93721 32 3229 193 National Guffman Corporation 191000 1465475785773 1821998 Science Irradiation Optimization Project 231 Capitol Avenue Suite: 279 Hartford County for Hartford Connecticut 06106 32 3229 420 National Dewey Cheetem and Howe LLP 949000 3316556858442 1719956 National Parks Termination Study Effort 1900 Kanawha Boulevard, E. Suite: 6540 Charleston County for Charleston West Virginia 25305 32 3229 193 Western Cloverfield Marketing 211000 1149455959266 6828172 Environmental Contingency Evaluation Effort 633 17th Street, Suite 201 Suite: 8329 Denver County for Denver Colorado 802023660 32 3229 2af Burns Power Plant Consolidated 4580000 1792528826305 1759697 Telecommunications Vaporization Expansion Project 3737 Main Street #201 Suite: 957 Riverside County for Riverside California 92501 32 3229 0d0 Global Dogbert Technologies 895000 1780127554877 8661996 Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Termination Expansion P P.O. Box 720 Suite: 4737 Jefferson City County for Jefferson City Missouri 65102 32 3229 193 Dr. Strangelove Consolidated 294000 1054694854547 1908545 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Consolidation Study Project 409 Lackawanna Avenue Suite: 4983 Scranton County for Scranton Pennsylvania 18503 32 3229 70e Voldemort Distribution 506000 3440471991316 1193216 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Consolidation Study Effort 4500 Avenue I Suite: 2006 Scottsbluff County for Scottsbluff Nebraska 693631500 32 3229 707 Global Halfbaked Studios 263000 1672470696895 1759697 Telecommunications Vaporization Expansion Project Suite 115 Suite: 1118 Tallahassee County for Tallahassee Florida 32399 32 3229 f19 Agency announces $30,326,000 in new funding http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/d11af0293bcc5879b1f7f27cf1a27876 PressRelease The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation has $30,326,000 in grants, awards, and contracts available to all US-based academic, nonprofit, and commercial organizations. As part of this agency's participation in the national economic recovery efforts, this new funding competition will work toward the following program goals: (1) Environmental Accelerated Implementation Effort; (2) National Parks Termination Study Program; (3) Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Irradiation Feasibility Effort; (4) National Parks Vaporization Prevention Initiative. These goals were approved on March 8, 2009. Please contact agency officials for details. 2009-03-09T12:48:08Z megacool Agency awards $749,000 in MN http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/5cef2423f4027857ad2c6dd6a341401d Other The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation awarded $749,000 to Halfbaked Consulting, an organization based in Minnesota. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Leadership of this group was quoted as saying 'Excellent, Smithers'. Back in the 60's, I had a weather changing machine that was, in essence, a sophisticated heat beam which we called a 'laser.' Using these 'lasers,' we punch a hole in the protective layer around the Earth, which we scientists call the 'Ozone Layer.' Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is unless the world pays us a hefty ransom.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Telecommunications Exploratory Implementation Program. Agency officials said that: 'This is an examplar of how our agency is helping lead this nation to recovery. Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts.' 2009-03-11T17:58:24Z REST Western LexCorp Incorporated awarded $853,000 http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/396d9a6df01ab1fd4e6a0d9017541ffb Video The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation allocated $853,000 to Western LexCorp Incorporated, an organization based in New York. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Leadership of this group was quoted as saying 'Excellent, Smithers'. With $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!' The award is part ongoing efforts for National Parks Termination Restoration Effort. Agency officials said that: 'This is a clear step forward in achieving our national priorities. It looks like our agency will be exaggerating its accomplishments again this year.' 2009-03-17T06:53:18Z web2 Agency announces $26,024,000 in new funding http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/aad9a92ee4268747b3b09d988a16053c Video The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation has $26,024,000 in grants, awards, and contracts available to all US-based academic, nonprofit, and commercial organizations. As part of this agency's participation in the national economic recovery efforts, this new funding competition will work toward the following program goals: (1) 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Digitization Study Project; (2) National Parks Contingency Transition Effort; (3) 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Irradiation Feasibility Program; (4) Telecommunications Termination Feasibility Effort; (5) Operations Exploratory Optimization Project. These goals were approved on March 15, 2009. Please contact agency officials for details. 2009-03-20T06:42:22Z whimper Agency announces $15,861,000 in new funding http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/149b9f9d487ab2679d8a8665a1575ec4 PressRelease The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation has $15,861,000 in grants, awards, and contracts available to all US-based academic, nonprofit, and commercial organizations. As part of this agency's participation in the national economic recovery efforts, this new funding competition will work toward the following program goals: (1) Preservation Contingency Implementation Initiative; (2) 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Irradiation Transition Project; (3) X-file Document Shredding Exploratory Implementation Program; (4) Environmental Vaporization Study Effort; (5) Science Accelerated Expansion Program; (6) Internet Access Contingency Restoration Initiative. These goals were approved on March 29, 2009. Please contact agency officials for details. 2009-03-31T16:56:50Z whimper da_bomb Agency awards $459,000 in NJ http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/70ddcf39d930998f7923c2b404750527 PressRelease The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation contracted $459,000 to Global Mummified Studios, an organization based in New Jersey. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Only a cynic would think this press-release was randomly generated. Our organization strives for quality.' The award is part ongoing efforts for National Parks Irradiation Prevention Effort. Agency officials said that: 'It looks like our agency will be exaggerating its accomplishments again this year. We have no idea if this will work, but, frankly, we are desperate.' 2009-04-05T17:56:10Z dud Agency announces $108,874,000 in new funding http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/fcdd1d533145dc63bf50894eaf7d96d0 Other The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation has $108,874,000 in grants, awards, and contracts available to all US-based academic, nonprofit, and commercial organizations. As part of this agency's participation in the national economic recovery efforts, this new funding competition will work toward the following program goals: (1) Telecommunications Irradiation Implementation Effort; (2) Telecommunications Exploratory Implementation Program; (3) Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Vaporization Expansion Initiative; (4) Telecommunications Accelerated Implementation Project; (5) Science Exploratory Feasibility Project; (6) Preservation Technology Expansion Program. These goals were approved on April 5, 2009. Please contact agency officials for details. 2009-04-06T22:48:56Z da_bomb Universal Uniforce Solutions awarded $190,000 http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/951180468a056d92f4718b6d9661cbb7 Video The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation allocated $190,000 to Universal Uniforce Solutions, an organization based in Oregon. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Back in the 60's, I had a weather changing machine that was, in essence, a sophisticated heat beam which we called a 'laser.' Using these 'lasers,' we punch a hole in the protective layer around the Earth, which we scientists call the 'Ozone Layer.' Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is unless the world pays us a hefty ransom. Money can be exchanged for goods and services!' The award is part ongoing efforts for Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Exploratory Feasibility Project. Agency officials said that: 'We have no idea if this will work, but, frankly, we are desperate. Although we may be headed toward Neolithic levels of subsistence, systemic review of organizational processes are essential.' 2009-04-11T13:29:53Z web2 Southern Poxed Resalers awarded $238,000 http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/7c4be21a8dc272674407980122352f7e PressRelease The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation contracted $238,000 to Southern Poxed Resalers, an organization based in Michigan. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We are very excited about the prospects. I'll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Telecommunications Digitization Implementation Program. Agency officials said that: 'Our agency regards Atom feeds as so much fun, that we can't help but to randomly generate press-releases. It looks like our agency will be exaggerating its accomplishments again this year.' 2009-04-21T06:42:07Z cool Agency awards $820,000 in UT http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/dd9f8374d496b5fdb221b5af55a5d82e Other The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation granted $820,000 to Allied Omni Consumer Products Consulting, an organization based in Utah. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Leadership of this group was quoted as saying 'Excellent, Smithers'. Only a cynic would think this press-release was randomly generated.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Science Vaporization Implementation Program. Agency officials said that: 'As you gain experience, you'll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination. Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts.' 2009-04-24T19:40:24Z cool Agency awards $358,000 in OH http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/7df387f2a4cdd2acb09448bfcfdd69b5 Other The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation granted $358,000 to Allied Rockie and Bullwinkle LLP, an organization based in Ohio. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Back in the 60's, I had a weather changing machine that was, in essence, a sophisticated heat beam which we called a 'laser.' Using these 'lasers,' we punch a hole in the protective layer around the Earth, which we scientists call the 'Ozone Layer.' Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is unless the world pays us a hefty ransom. Back in the 60's, I had a weather changing machine that was, in essence, a sophisticated heat beam which we called a 'laser.' Using these 'lasers,' we punch a hole in the protective layer around the Earth, which we scientists call the 'Ozone Layer.' Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is unless the world pays us a hefty ransom.' The award is part ongoing efforts for 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Vaporization Transition Project. Agency officials said that: 'Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts. There has never been a project or program quite so ambitious, ever.' 2009-05-06T14:15:00Z da_bomb whimper Agency announces $10,278,000 in new funding http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/d85f5ad393027b34e8527eecc72acb04 PressRelease The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation has $10,278,000 in grants, awards, and contracts available to all US-based academic, nonprofit, and commercial organizations. As part of this agency's participation in the national economic recovery efforts, this new funding competition will work toward the following program goals: (1) Science Accelerated Optimization Program; (2) National Parks Irradiation Transition Program; (3) Risk-Management Exploratory Expansion Project. These goals were approved on May 10, 2009. Please contact agency officials for details. 2009-05-15T12:11:28Z dud whimper Yersinia Pestis Systems awarded $4,660,000 http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/bffd748bd56ce29e13f76953e499f17c Other The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation contracted $4,660,000 to Yersinia Pestis Systems, an organization based in Illinois. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Evil will always triumph over good because good is dumb. Who knew that the Stimulus Measures could be so, so, very STIMULATING.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Preservation Digitization Restoration Project. Agency officials said that: 'Our agency regards Atom feeds as so much fun, that we can't help but to randomly generate press-releases. This is a clear step forward in achieving our national priorities.' 2009-05-17T19:17:01Z SOA SOA Allied My Precious Resalers awarded $863,000 http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/518782d2e257ea44e8a3bf87af29a6ad PressRelease The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation allocated $863,000 to Allied My Precious Resalers, an organization based in Delaware. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'I'll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. I for one, welcome our new robotic overlords.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Irradiation Expansion Project. Agency officials said that: 'There has never been a project or program quite so ambitious, ever. This is an examplar of how our agency is helping lead this nation to recovery.' 2009-05-18T19:56:14Z dud Rockie and Bullwinkle awarded $452,000 http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/9f75b48b788a90cb5a75dc5bcc3e134d PressRelease The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation allocated $452,000 to Rockie and Bullwinkle, an organization based in New Hampshire. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Leadership of this group was quoted as saying 'Excellent, Smithers'. Who says academia, government, and industry are inept fools?' The award is part ongoing efforts for Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Digitization Prevention Project. Agency officials said that: 'This is a clear step forward in achieving our national priorities. Through this program, we will succeed in stopping entropy, ushering in the Age of Aquarius, and recovering all missing socks.' 2009-05-28T12:42:55Z sweet Western Dr. No Consulting awarded $9,090,000 http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/b63d576765a2cd8c854f5fa7aee845da PressRelease The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation granted $9,090,000 to Western Dr. No Consulting, an organization based in Virginia. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Through our efforts the future is bright. With $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!' The award is part ongoing efforts for National Parks Termination Transition Program. Agency officials said that: 'This is an examplar of how our agency is helping lead this nation to recovery. We have no idea if this will work, but, frankly, we are desperate.' 2009-06-07T07:32:30Z sweet Agency awards $3,820,000 in SC http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/0e9eb666bf1fb93dfdc2be96e3f34364 PressRelease The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation granted $3,820,000 to Southern Mr. Hankey Consulting, an organization based in South Carolina. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'We are very excited about the prospects. We are very excited about the prospects.' The award is part ongoing efforts for National Parks Technology Study Effort. Agency officials said that: 'Although their proposal was intended as a joke, we did see hidden merit and meaning in it. They really warmed our hearts. Although we may be headed toward Neolithic levels of subsistence, systemic review of organizational processes are essential.' 2009-06-08T16:43:54Z humor Agency awards $578,000 in NV http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/3b40c134abf1feaad48a9f479bd0fe73 PressRelease The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation allocated $578,000 to Dogbert Resalers, an organization based in Nevada. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Through our efforts the future is bright. Leadership of this group was quoted as saying 'Excellent, Smithers'.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Accelerated Restoration Program. Agency officials said that: 'We usually don't get to launch into program areas that seem fun or interesting to the outside world. As you gain experience, you'll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination.' 2009-06-11T03:46:20Z cool Wayne Distributors awarded $979,000 http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/a5aba769855b9732a9cfd49e1b0d1bf7 Other The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation contracted $979,000 to Wayne Distributors, an organization based in California. Representatives of this organization noted the following in hearing this news: 'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. Through our efforts the future is bright.' The award is part ongoing efforts for Preservation Termination Expansion Program. Agency officials said that: 'We have no idea if this will work, but, frankly, we are desperate. This program is all about getting America back to work.' 2009-06-22T03:58:59Z sweet Agency announces $74,593,000 in new funding http://www.pbgc.gov/recovery/coms/c66d9f839475bcb611d240c5f19a24da Other The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corporation has $74,593,000 in grants, awards, and contracts available to all US-based academic, nonprofit, and commercial organizations. As part of this agency's participation in the national economic recovery efforts, this new funding competition will work toward the following program goals: (1) Risk-Management Contingency Study Initiative; (2) National Parks Irradiation Optimization Program; (3) 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Contingency Prevention Initiative; (4) Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Accelerated Restoration Program. These goals were approved on June 21, 2009. Please contact agency officials for details. 2009-06-26T02:48:48Z mean 2009-03-08 12 12f9 2c0 28060000 30326000 27154000 Science Termination Expansion Initiative Telecommunications Accelerated Expansion Effort Science Accelerated Study Initiative National Parks Accelerated Study Effort Telecommunications Technology Expansion Initiative National Parks Contingency Restoration Project Preservation Termination Optimization Effort Robotic Overlords Exploratory Prevention Program 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Contingency Study Initiative 12 12f9 5ca 28060000 30326000 27154000 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Termination Optimization Project Environmental Contingency Optimization Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Exploratory Feasibility Project Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Accelerated Transition Effort Telecommunications Consolidation Restoration Initiative Environmental Accelerated Implementation Effort National Parks Termination Study Program Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Irradiation Feasibility Effort National Parks Vaporization Prevention Initiative 2009-03-15 12 12f9 ea6 30750000 26024000 30326000 Environmental Accelerated Implementation Program Belly-button Lint Termination Feasibility Effort Environmental Consolidation Evaluation Initiative 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Digitization Study Project National Parks Contingency Transition Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Irradiation Feasibility Program Telecommunications Termination Feasibility Effort Operations Exploratory Optimization Project 2009-03-22 12 12f9 e35 26880000 46944000 26024000 Warm Fuzzy Vaporization Restoration Effort Preservation Exploratory Transition Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Contingency Restoration Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Exploratory Optimization Initiative Internet Access Exploratory Transition Project UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds National Parks Termination Feasibility Program Telecommunications Contingency Implementation Program Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Consolidation Study Initiative 12 12f9 071 26880000 46944000 26024000 Science Irradiation Transition Project Environmental Contingency Prevention Project Preservation Consolidation Evaluation Initiative HDTV Contingency Optimization Project Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Contingency Prevention Project Telecommunications Irradiation Transition Project HDTV Digitization Feasibility Program Preservation Contingency Expansion Initiative Piggy Bank Accelerated Feasibility Initiative 12 12f9 ba6 26880000 46944000 26024000 Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Consolidation Expansion Program 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Vaporization Expansion Program Belly-button Lint Accelerated Feasibility Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Contingency Restoration Program Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Vaporization Transition Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Irradiation Implementation Project Science Irradiation Transition Project Belly-button Lint Accelerated Prevention Initiative Science Digitization Expansion Program 2009-03-29 12 12f9 188 47240000 15861000 46944000 Science Termination Implementation Initiative Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Exploratory Feasibility Project Environmental Vaporization Feasibility Initiative Science Termination Feasibility Project Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Termination Implementation Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Vaporization Evaluation Initiative Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Irradiation Optimization Project 12 12f9 ad9 47240000 15861000 46944000 National Parks Digitization Optimization Project Preservation Exploratory Expansion Project Environmental Contingency Prevention Initiative 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Termination Optimization Program Telecommunications Accelerated Evaluation Initiative 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Irradiation Feasibility Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Contingency Prevention Effort 12 12f9 ca1 47240000 15861000 46944000 Science Consolidation Evaluation Initiative Preservation Contingency Implementation Initiative 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Irradiation Transition Project X-file Document Shredding Exploratory Implementation Program Environmental Vaporization Study Effort Science Accelerated Expansion Program Internet Access Contingency Restoration Initiative 2009-04-05 12 12f9 995 44710000 108874000 15861000 Telecommunications Consolidation Evaluation Initiative Environmental Vaporization Restoration Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Irradiation Transition Effort Telecommunications Vaporization Feasibility Project National Parks Accelerated Evaluation Program Environmental Accelerated Implementation Initiative Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Irradiation Feasibility Project Telecommunications Vaporization Restoration Project Environmental Vaporization Optimization Effort 12 12f9 ffd 44710000 108874000 15861000 Environmental Technology Optimization Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Digitization Optimization Initiative Environmental Irradiation Implementation Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Contingency Prevention Effort Preservation Exploratory Expansion Program Science Contingency Transition Effort HDTV Termination Study Project National Parks Vaporization Feasibility Effort Preservation Digitization Restoration Initiative 12 12f9 d84 44710000 108874000 15861000 Science Accelerated Restoration Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Termination Expansion Project Telecommunications Accelerated Study Initiative Telecommunications Irradiation Implementation Effort Telecommunications Exploratory Implementation Program Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Vaporization Expansion Initiative Telecommunications Accelerated Implementation Project Science Exploratory Feasibility Project Preservation Technology Expansion Program 2009-04-12 12 12f9 718 136560000 7091000 108874000 Telecommunications Consolidation Feasibility Program Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Exploratory Optimization Project Internet Access Vaporization Study Initiative National Parks Consolidation Expansion Program Environmental Contingency Restoration Initiative Science Exploratory Feasibility Initiative HDTV Contingency Prevention Initiative Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Accelerated Optimization Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Accelerated Optimization Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Irradiation Study Project 12 12f9 b6a 136560000 7091000 108874000 Preservation Contingency Optimization Program National Parks Technology Restoration Project Preservation Contingency Implementation Effort Preservation Consolidation Transition Project Science Exploratory Transition Effort Telecommunications Contingency Transition Initiative Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Technology Implementation Project Science Irradiation Prevention Initiative Science Contingency Optimization Initiative Environmental Consolidation Evaluation Program 12 12f9 967 136560000 7091000 108874000 Science Consolidation Prevention Initiative 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Vaporization Expansion Program Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Digitization Evaluation Initiative Preservation Digitization Optimization Program UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds Robotic Overlords Exploratory Feasibility Program Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Technology Optimization Initiative Science Accelerated Feasibility Program Telecommunications Digitization Implementation Program Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Vaporization Restoration Program 2009-04-19 12 12f9 17b 7420000 2186000 7091000 Internet Access Digitization Implementation Project Preservation Irradiation Optimization Effort Environmental Irradiation Transition Project Ponzi Scheme Contingency Feasibility Effort X-file Document Shredding Accelerated Optimization Project Environmental Technology Implementation Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Irradiation Optimization Effort Preservation Digitization Restoration Project Control System Irradiation Prevention Program Risk-Management Consolidation Study Initiative 2009-04-26 12 12f9 7b8 2520000 5814000 2186000 Telecommunications Consolidation Restoration Program Preservation Consolidation Prevention Project Preservation Digitization Expansion Effort Science Contingency Evaluation Effort Environmental Digitization Optimization Program National Parks Vaporization Study Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Exploratory Prevention Effort 12 12f9 746 2520000 5814000 2186000 Telecommunications Digitization Study Initiative Robotic Overlords Technology Evaluation Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Termination Restoration Initiative Science Accelerated Feasibility Program Science Vaporization Restoration Initiative Preservation Digitization Study Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Consolidation Transition Program 12 12f9 368 2520000 5814000 2186000 Environmental Consolidation Feasibility Effort National Parks Technology Prevention Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Accelerated Restoration Program Telecommunications Exploratory Study Program HDTV Exploratory Feasibility Initiative Preservation Contingency Feasibility Initiative Preservation Termination Expansion Program 2009-05-03 12 12f9 5d0 6050000 159761000 5814000 Science Digitization Expansion Effort Environmental Accelerated Restoration Program Environmental Consolidation Study Initiative Warm Fuzzy Accelerated Optimization Program 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Digitization Expansion Effort HDTV Digitization Restoration Effort National Parks Termination Restoration Initiative Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Vaporization Prevention Program Environmental Vaporization Prevention Initiative Environmental Contingency Restoration Program 12 12f9 305 6050000 159761000 5814000 National Parks Consolidation Transition Program Risk-Management Contingency Study Effort National Parks Consolidation Feasibility Project National Parks Irradiation Restoration Project Telecommunications Digitization Implementation Program Science Irradiation Feasibility Effort Telecommunications Accelerated Implementation Effort Science Vaporization Optimization Initiative Robotic Overlords Vaporization Transition Effort 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Termination Expansion Program 12 12f9 00e 6050000 159761000 5814000 Operations Termination Evaluation Effort National Parks Vaporization Evaluation Project Preservation Exploratory Expansion Initiative Preservation Irradiation Evaluation Initiative HDTV Contingency Implementation Project Process Contingency Optimization Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Digitization Feasibility Initiative Preservation Termination Implementation Effort Control System Digitization Transition Project Science Technology Restoration Program 2009-05-10 12 12f9 e21 162180000 10278000 159761000 Environmental Technology Feasibility Initiative Science Contingency Prevention Program Telecommunications Vaporization Evaluation Effort National Parks Exploratory Evaluation Effort Science Accelerated Optimization Program National Parks Irradiation Transition Program Risk-Management Exploratory Expansion Project 2009-05-17 12 12f9 c81 10660000 65778000 10278000 Risk-Management Exploratory Optimization Program Telecommunications Vaporization Optimization Program Environmental Irradiation Implementation Program HDTV Digitization Expansion Initiative Preservation Exploratory Restoration Project National Parks Vaporization Implementation Program Internet Access Contingency Study Effort 2009-05-24 12 12f9 676 66620000 133343000 65778000 Preservation Digitization Implementation Program Preservation Digitization Prevention Effort Science Contingency Prevention Project Science Exploratory Expansion Initiative Telecommunications Irradiation Implementation Initiative Preservation Irradiation Restoration Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Digitization Evaluation Program 12 12f9 06e 66620000 133343000 65778000 Belly-button Lint Accelerated Evaluation Effort Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Vaporization Expansion Program Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Contingency Feasibility Initiative Preservation Exploratory Optimization Project National Parks Accelerated Restoration Initiative 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Consolidation Prevention Initiative Preservation Termination Transition Effort 12 12f9 c93 66620000 133343000 65778000 Science Accelerated Restoration Effort Preservation Termination Transition Program Science Termination Study Initiative Environmental Technology Restoration Initiative Telecommunications Termination Study Effort Science Vaporization Optimization Project 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Accelerated Study Effort 2009-05-31 12 12f9 b18 134060000 4124000 133343000 Environmental Vaporization Study Initiative National Parks Exploratory Feasibility Initiative Telecommunications Consolidation Expansion Initiative Preservation Consolidation Restoration Project Environmental Irradiation Implementation Effort Science Technology Prevention Project 12 12f9 674 134060000 4124000 133343000 Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Digitization Implementation Program Preservation Vaporization Study Initiative 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Technology Feasibility Project Environmental Digitization Implementation Effort Piggy Bank Accelerated Transition Project National Parks Accelerated Evaluation Project 12 12f9 7a7 134060000 4124000 133343000 Science Exploratory Restoration Project Warm Fuzzy Termination Prevention Program Environmental Accelerated Restoration Project Preservation Consolidation Implementation Effort Telecommunications Vaporization Transition Effort Process Irradiation Restoration Initiative 2009-06-07 12 12f9 8db 52860000 96944000 4124000 Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Accelerated Implementation Program 401(k) Radiation Decontamination Termination Prevention Effort UC Berk. ISchool (Wilde, Kansa, Yee) Recovery Atom Feeds Credit-Default-Swap Managers Antarctic Relocation Consolidation Optimization Program HDTV Vaporization Transition Program Telecommunications Accelerated Impl